


The Friendship Card

by StellarLibraryLady



Series: Star Trek Narsarya B [1]
Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies), Star Trek: The Original Series
Genre: AU, Bickering, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Friendship, Gen, Human Chess Game, Humor, Lonely McCoy, Lotus Eaters, Narcotic Plants, Narsarya B, Narsarya B "Land of the Lotus Flower", Narsarya B (Star Trek Series), Odyssey, Sacrifice for Others, Sacrificing McCoy, Sacrificing Spock, Scheming Kirk, Snarky McCoy, Spock and Idioms, Star Trek Humor, idioms, spones - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-30
Updated: 2016-06-30
Packaged: 2018-07-19 07:40:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 26,269
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7352065
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StellarLibraryLady/pseuds/StellarLibraryLady
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Something is wrong aboard the Enterprise.   Spock and McCoy are avoiding each other, and Jim Kirk wants to know why.   Is the planet they have been visiting really the paradise it seems to be, or is its influence something more unwelcome?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

“Why didn‘t you get him back here quicker?!” Dr. McCoy snapped at Jim Kirk when he saw what had just materialized before him in the transporter room of the Enterprise. He rushed forward to run his bio scanner over a lethargic Spock who slumped limply in Kirk’s arms. "Spock?" he said gently. "Can you hear me?"

Spock didn't even stir.

“Guards!" McCoy commanded. "Get this man to sickbay! Hurry!” He frowned at Kirk as two guards rushed to comply. “Are you okay, Captain?“

Kirk nodded as his eyes followed Spock‘s removal.

“Anybody else having problems?”

Kirk's eyes snapped back to McCoy's grim face. “No. Just Spock.” 

McCoy nodded curtly and with a frown scurried after his patient, leaving Kirk alone in the transporter room with Scotty who had beamed them up. Scotty glanced at Kirk with worried eyes which did nothing to relieve any of Kirk's own worry or a mounting sense of guilt for his Vulcan friend's grave condition.

Jim Kirk sighed. He knew he was in trouble with Dr. McCoy even before he had beamed back aboard the Enterprise. The landing party had been gone longer than they had planned. Dr. McCoy had not been included in the advance group and had grumbled about the wisdom of that decision even before they had left the Starship. Spock had done double duty on the planet as Science Officer and Medical Staff. At the time, Kirk thought that would not be a concern. Then he had brought Spock back weakened and nearly senseless. Only then Kirk did understand the problem. There had been no other medical person to notice that Spock needed help himself. Even Kirk now could see the grayish tinge to Spock's greenish skin. Spock did not look well, at all. No wonder McCoy was upset.

Hours later, Kirk and a much calmer McCoy stood watching the sleeping Spock while machines beeped around him in sickbay.

Kirk nodded toward Spock. “How’s he doing?”

“He’s stable. Now. When you called, I could hear the worry in your voice.” He glanced at Kirk. “I thought I was ready for what you were bringing me, Jim. But I guess I got a little snappish when I saw how really bad he was. It scared me. Sorry. I didn't need to add to the guilt you were feeling. I guess I had to take it out on somebody, so why not someone who was already down?” 

“That’s alright. You were worried, Bones. So was I.” He frowned. “ It happened so fast. I asked Spock what was wrong with him, and it was like he suddenly realized or accepted the obvious. Then he just sort of wilted, and I grabbed him and called you.“

McCoy studied the monitors over Spock’s head. “Didn’t you notice he was having problems down on that planet?”

“We were all busy, but I didn’t realize he was so distracted that he wasn’t taking care of himself. There’s really an advanced civilization down there, Bones. They’re quite learned. Spock really enjoyed talking to the elders.”

McCoy glanced at Kirk with a hint of a smile. “Enjoyed? Spock? Can you really say those two words in one sentence?”

“He seemed to relate to those people. They engaged in lengthy philosophical discussions My only problem with all of the theory was that the elders weren’t addressing real life concerns, especially with their youth. The elders were interested only in pure thought.”

“Now it makes sense,” McCoy remarked dryly. “Spock must’ve embraced them as long lost brothers.” A lazy grin floated across his face. “Was their blood green, by any chance?” 

“Not that I noticed.” 

“Strange behavior, though, with his symptoms.“ 

“What’s that?“

“He’s malnourished and dehydrated. It’s like he’s been denied nutrition for days. Didn’t you let him eat?“ he tried to ask casually, but reproach seeped into his voice.

“Of course, I let him eat! I couldn’t have stopped a grown man from eating, could I?!“ Kirk cooled. “I couldn’t have made him eat, either. I figure that was something he had to do for himself.“

“You’d think,” McCoy agreed absently. “Maybe not so in this case, though. Especially since he was so wrapped up in his work.“ 

“This planet is really something, Bones. It was more like we were on shore leave than working. Daily picnics and outings into the countryside and parties every evening. There were so many new activities to pursue, so many new things to learn. We didn’t know where to turn next. And the women! It‘s a wonder I had time to eat. I should be in here for dehydration and malnutrition, instead of Spock. There was no time for rest.”

“It must’ve been hell,” McCoy muttered.

“I’m sorry that you didn’t get to go with us. Maybe when Spock gets better.” 

“Which may be awhile.“ Then McCoy asked Kirk the question that Kirk had been asking himself all day. “If Spock was so bad, why didn’t you beam him up quicker?”

Kirk could hear the accusation in McCoy’s voice. It came nowhere close to the guilt Kirk was feeling. “I guess I wasn‘t paying attention. There was so much to do.“ He glanced at McCoy. “Did I mention the women?“

“In passing,“ McCoy answered dryly.

“Spock was running around, doing experiments, mumbling that the research would take a lifetime to amass, let alone analyze. We were all that way, like being turned loose in a candy store with all sorts of new treats to try.“

“Sounds spellbinding. You were gone for days, you know. It was becoming weeks. We were worried up here, but you kept telling us to remain where we were while you did the same. You even had a faraway, dreamy quality to your voice.”

“I did?”

“You sounded like you were in the first stages of infatuation, which I’m beginning to think you were. It’s a wonder the Enterprise didn’t get jealous. You were being unfaithful to her.” He glanced at Kirk. “Kidding aside, Jim, why were you down there so long?”

Kirk knew that McCoy rarely kidded. And if he did, he had a deadly serious purpose behind it. McCoy's teasing had jagged points sticking out on all sides of it, and the points were all razor sharp. Anyone caught napping in a conversation with him risked leaving the debate field bloodied and defeated. McCoy took no prisoners. Maybe that was why Spock was a worthy opponent. He showed no weakness or emotion, and that defense needled McCoy.

“I didn’t know so much time had passed. I knew, but I didn’t realize.”

“You should‘ve rotated the landing party and sent in a fresh team.”

“I know, I know. I just didn‘t think.”

Then McCoy asked what was really on his mind. “Why didn‘t you send for me? You had Spock doing double duty as Medical Staff as well as Science Officer down there.” Reproach tinged his voice again. “That‘s too much for one person and for far too long a time.”

Kirk shrugged. “It just didn‘t seem important at the time, just the--”

“Yeah, I know,” McCoy agreed with a frown. “Just the women!”

“Meanwhile, Spock was busy,” Kirk quickly said to get McCoy’s focus off himself. “He found so many things to interest him in science, politics, and culture, that he didn’t know where to start first. I’ve never seen him so happy.”

“Him? Happy? How could you tell?”

“Grins. Excited chatter.”

McCoy frowned. “Chatter? Spock?” 

Kirk shrugged. “It went beyond talk. Sometimes it was like he was high on caffeine. Sometimes, he even acted like a teenage girl at a pep rally before the big game.”

“Sorry I missed that,” McCoy muttered.

“And then there was the laughter.”

McCoy’s frown deepened. “Laughter? From a Vulcan? That isn’t good.”

“It was infectious. When he started, everyone joined in. Then nobody could stop. We laughed until our sides ached.”

“I should’ve demanded archival film be made of this mission,” McCoy grumbled.

“I didn’t notice that Spock was getting rundown and not eating. If I would have, I’d thought he was just too distracted, as we all were. He was okay, and then he just wasn’t. I tried to get out of him what was wrong, but he was almost too weak to answer. He finally managed to mumble ’home’ and your name.“

“Me?! What do Vulcan and I have in common?“ He nodded toward Spock. “Outside of him?”

“I figured he meant the Enterprise as home. Maybe you also represent home to him.“ Kirk glanced at him and smiled. “Odd. You don’t look like the domestic type. Maybe he likes your decorating style and homemade fritters.”

“Don’t be funny,” McCoy growled. “He probably just realized he needed a strong dose of my good, old Georgian common sense to counteract all of the philosophical theory he‘d been hearing. That could be the answer! Maybe he was so full of hot air that he didn’t miss food and liquids.“ He faked a thoughtful look. “Being full of hot air has never bothered his dietary intake before, though.”

“A revolutionary theory, Doctor, about the philosophizing.“

McCoy rallied. “And one that I could probably prove without much problem.“ He looked pointedly at Kirk. “IF I ever get down to this marvelous planet of yours.”

“In the meantime, make sure your color scheme doesn’t clash with Spock’s.“

“Jim!“

Kirk held up his hands in surrender. “Kidding! Kidding!“

“I’ll show you ‘kidding,‘” McCoy threatened. “Just wait until the next time you wind up here in my sickbay. Then we’ll find out who’s kidding!“

Un, oh, change of tactics. Diversion! Diversion! This doctor doesn‘t threaten; he promises. And he keeps his promises.

“Seriously, Bones, do you know what caused his problems?”

“Not yet. He was everywhere, it sounds like. It could have been anything.”

“He was interested in this one particular plant. It was growing all over the planet. The inhabitants seemed to worship it, like they were hypnotized by it.”

“Sounds like some sort of air-borne narcotic could be associated with it. You say Spock worked with it? Maybe he had a reaction to it.” 

“It’s possible. He was always wearing one of its flowers behind an ear.“

“He did?! Did you get pictures?!“

“He said right ear indicated that he loved all creatures. He wouldn’t say what left ear meant, just gave us a cryptic smile and rolled his eyes.”

“This is major! He shouldn’t be acting that way! Not a Vulcan! That’s a helluva reaction!” McCoy frowned in thought. “It’s almost as if he were allergic to it, and his reaction was that it messed up his metabolism.”

Kirk frowned. “What does that mean?”

“It means he wasn’t absorbing any nutrients.”

Kirk blanched. “He was starving?!”

“Apparently.”

“But I saw him eating!” Suddenly remembering, Kirk frowned in thought. “Meat. He was eating meat. Lots of meat. He couldn‘t get enough.”

“Spock? He’s vegetarian.” 

“Steak. Roasts. Chops. Whole chickens,” Kirk continued. “His plate was piled high with bones. He could‘ve cleaned up a battlefield on his own. Vultures would‘ve starved around him. Then he‘d eaten them.”

“Surely that should’ve gotten your attention.”

They looked at each other, then nodded and mumbled together. 

“Uh--” Kirk started.

“Yeah.”

“The, uh--”

“Yeah.”

“Women, uh--”

McCoy frowned. “I know.”

“Hmm.”

“They must be something. I can’t wait to meet them.”

Kirk got a slapdash grin on his face. “You’ll want to do more than meet them, Bones! I can guarantee that!”

McCoy gave him a gentle smile. “Anytime, Boss Man. Just beam me down.” He frowned. “And you know how much I enjoy that.“ He drew himself together. “But that isn’t addressing my patient and his recovery. The fact of the matter is his food wasn’t doing him any good. Odd. In a land of plenty to eat and cultural refinement, he was dying inside. And he was doing it blissfully, apparently. Strange planet this. It kills openly, and its victim welcomes its own death.”

“You’re being a little harsh.”

“I’m being a little practical. I’m going by what my eyes and medical procedures tell me about my patient. You must’ve been affected, too, or your judgment wouldn’t have been so compromised. You did seem to be a little in la-la land when you got back. I should’ve examined you, too.”

“We both had other duties, you with Spock and me with the ship. I’ve had a shower now and changed my clothes, and my mind seems to be on other things than what happened down on that planet. I’m thinking about the ship for the first time in days.”

“That must be some planet, to distract you from your first love, the Enterprise.”

“I can’t do it justice, Bones, you’ll have to see for yourself.”

“I will. I could do with some carefree days.” He looked at Spock. “Although I doubt that I’ll reach Spock’s apparent state of Nirvana. But from the looks of him, I don‘t know if I want to try.”

“What are you doing for him?”

“I’m pumping fluids and nutrients into him. Solid, simple foods will come next. If he can tolerate that, then he can be switched to his normal diet. That, plus rest and simple activities should bring him around.”

“I had no idea, Bones. I never meant for this to happen.”

“I know you didn’t. He‘d understand that, too. Nobody blames you. Not now.”

“Except for me. I don’t know why I didn’t notice.”

“You were apparently mesmerized by the planet, too. Maybe the same state of euphoria clouded your vision.“ McCoy frowned. “It’s obvious that something about this planet has disagreed with Spock.” Then he got a cocky look on his face. “I don’t know how it dared.”

Kirk grinned. McCoy was cracking jokes. That made Kirk feel better.

“Thankfully, it didn’t affect the rest of you like it did Spock. You, apparently, and the rest of the landing party were just slaphappy. That could account for those stupid grins and all the references to their women.“ He looked thoughtful. “It’s almost as if-- No, it couldn’t be.“

“Come on, Bones, I’m open to any ideas at this point.“

“I keep thinking about the Lotus Eaters.“

“From the Odyssey? Homer’s epic poem about Odysseus taking ten years to get home after the Trojan Wars? The sequel to the Iliad that was about part of those wars?“

“The same.“

“I remember that while he was on his travels, Odysseus finds an island where the people were happy and wanted to sleep all the time. Their apathy was caused by a type of lotus which was their primary source of food.“

“That plant caused apathy to those ancient Greeks, a condition somewhat akin to what you and the rest of the landing party, which were Earthlings, were experiencing. But not Spock. He was excitable. He had a different reaction, maybe because he‘s part Vulcan.”

“Well, I suppose that even Vulcans could suffer from an allergy, Bones. My own unprofessional medical opinion was that Spock was ‘as weak as a kitten.’ You should’ve seen the puzzled look on his face when I told him that.”

“He never can quite get the hang of our idioms, can he?”


	2. Chapter 2

“I don’t care who’s in charge on the bridge! This is sickbay, and I’m in charge here!” McCoy’s eyes bulged. “My patient needs rest and proper nourishment, and I intend to see that he gets it!” 

Jim Kirk blinked in the face of McCoy’s fury. McCoy looked like he was just hoping that someone would try to cross him.

Kirk glanced at Spock lying awake on the biobed. As usual, Spock seemed to be observing the scene as if he weren’t really a part of it, more like he was studying the two Earthlings and being highly amused by their antics. Kirk expected at any moment for Spock to say, “Fascinating!” 

Kirk took a deep breath. “I just wanted to see how Mr. Spock was doing, Bones.”

“Better,” McCoy grumbled. “He wouldn’t be in this shape if I’D gone along in the first place.”

“I also would like to confer with him,“ Kirk said in as soothing a voice as he could muster. “I wanted to get his spin on what happened down there.” 

McCoy’s eyes snapped with blue fire. “THAT’S what happened!” he yelled as he swung his arm toward Spock. “Bringing him in half-dead and expecting me to bring him back to life! I’m a doctor, not a miracle worker!”

“Come on, Bones, he’s on the mend.”

“No thanks to you,“ McCoy grumbled. “Running around all over the universe like a couple of juvenile delinquents. When will you two ever grow up?” he muttered as he turned away. “I’d say you two were influenced by that planet, but you’ve been acting wild a long time before you ever hit this part of the universe.” He looked at Spock and thrust his thumb over his shoulder at Kirk. “I might’ve expected it out of him. But, you! You’re half-Vulcan! I expected more out of you! I would’ve thought that enlightened heritage of yours would’ve given you some sense!”

Kirk braced himself. Why did McCoy never see it coming?

Spock gave the doctor a non-committal look. “Perhaps it is simply being around you so long that has compromised my judgment, Doctor.”

McCoy’s eyes widened and he opened his mouth to protest, but no words came out. That reaction made Spock’s eyes shine in triumph.

Spock looked around McCoy at Kirk. “Ah, the first peaceful moment I have had today. Is the quiet not blissful?”

Kirk smiled and felt relief flow through him. Spock was recovering, and he and McCoy were back to their bickering. All was well in Jim Kirk’s universe.

Even now, Nurse Chapel looked at Kirk with humor dancing in her eyes. She would duly relate to the crew this current incident between Spock and McCoy. It would be another example of the stormy, yet delicately tender friendship of two beings who thought the world of each other, but weren’t about to admit it. Their crewmates found their clashes to be endearing and highly amusing, especially Captain Kirk. Their battles were homey and familiar, and the Enterprise would feel odd if the two weren’t snipping at each other.

McCoy glared at Spock. “If you like the peace and quiet so much, I can have you put in isolation.”

Kirk nearly laughed. Now it was Spock’s turn to open his mouth and not have any words come out.

“Good. I see the patient is ready to cooperate,” McCoy said with smug glee. “The patient can have company, if the topics of conversation are not too stressful to him. Recreation would be good for him. Captain Kirk, I suggest you set aside some time to play three dimensional chess with our patient.” 

Kirk and Spock both looked interested.

“Now, Mr. Spock, your lunch is coming,” McCoy said as he moved toward the lab. “I suggest you eat it. No, there is no meat. You must get back to your accustomed diet. And get some rest. If you don’t,” he paused at the door, “I’ve got some ways to make you rest. You might not remember much about it, but you will rest.”

Spock opened his mouth to say words that McCoy’s upraised hand halted.

“We can do this healing the easy way or the hard way, Commander. Doesn’t matter to me. I suggest for your own sake, though, that you take the easy way.” His eyes sparkled with glee. “But I will most certainly welcome the hard way, if that‘s what I need to get favorable results.” He gave Spock and Kirk each a wide grin. “Gentlemen, the day is looking up! I’m off to the lab. I bid you both a good morning.” The door swished shut behind him and a grinning Nurse Chapel.

“He was enjoying that way too much,” Kirk mumbled and hoped he wouldn‘t be in sickbay any time soon. “Blink twice if you need to be rescued.”

Spock frowned. “He is not the only one enjoying my discomfort.”

“Sorry, Spock. I’m just so damned happy I’m not at his mercy. And I think he’s relieved that he can help you. I guess we do deserve his wrath and ire. We do pile a lot of unnecessary worry on him.”

“What is this ‘we’ business?“ Spock mumbled. “I do not notice you on this biobed beside me.”

Kirk’s mouth twitched at Spock's unconscious humor. “Why, Mr. Spock! I didn’t know you were a comedian.”

“If I am, then it is comedy born of desperation.”

“I believe they call that ‘dark comedy.’”

“How appropriate.”

“I expect there’s opportunity for plenty of that in the medical field. Dealing with a subject as grim as Death has to have some sort of venting system or it would cause terrible explosions.”

“Or terrible emotional displays from a certain doctor we know? As if he would ever need an excuse,“ Spock muttered, then rallied. “But you came to ask about my report of our mission?”

“Not today.” Kirk rolled his eyes in mock fear. “I’m not getting either one of us in trouble.”

“It is catching,” Spock muttered and looked away.

“Come on, Spock!” Kirk said with a chuckle. “Surely even you can find humor in this situation. And think of all of the benefits! The good doctor is going to save you. Again! You will live to fight another day. Again! And you and I will get to have more adventures together. Again! What can be better than that?” Kirk’s grin was infectious.

Spock’s eyes mellowed with the smile he couldn’t quite let himself display. He did, however, allow himself to arch an eyebrow. “The prospect does offer a certain appeal, Captain.”

“Just hurry and get well enough to satisfy our good doctor. And tomorrow, I’ll be back to play chess with you. Ah! Here’s your lunch!” 

Nurse Chapel placed a plate and a small dish on a table which she pulled in front of Spock. “If there’s anything else you need, Mr. Spock, just let me know.”

“Thank you, Christine. I hope there’s a pork roast on that plate.”

“Surely you jest, Mr. Spock.”

Kirk rubbed his hands together. “What’s on the menu today?”

Spock lifted the lid on his plate without enthusiasm. “Yogurt with berries, rye crisp crackers with honey butter, and a thick soup with a lot of vegetables in it. With--” He lifted the lid on the sauce dish. “--what I assume is lime gelatin with pieces of some unidentifiable fruit embedded in it.“ He surveyed his food. “A healthy meal. High fiber. Very filling. Very nutritious.” 

“Hmm! Hmm! Sounds great! Probably prepared by the good doctor himself.”

Spock shot him a disgusted look. “Want to trade? Some of this soup for a smuggled hamburger?”

Kirk waved him away. “No. No. I don’t want to impede your recovery.”

“I would share,” Spock said with an almost malevolent look.

“I know you would,” Kirk agreed as he backed toward the sickbay door. “But I better not. You know you don‘t eat meat. And, even if you decided to convert and be an omnivore, now isn‘t the time to do it. I believe that getting back to a vegetarian diet will be a condition of your parole, ah, release, from sickbay. Now, follow Dr. McCoy’s orders, and we’ll all have easier lives. See you soon!” he hollered over his shoulder as the door whished shut behind him.

Spock sighed audibly. His distraction was gone, and he was at the complete mercy of that crazy Earthling who disguised himself as a medical doctor.

He took a bite of the gelatin and raised an eyebrow. Not bad. He followed that with a spoonful of the thick vegetable soup and nodded in approval. Tasty. Mouthful by mouthful, the meal began to disappear as Spock’s taste buds responded to fruits and vegetables again.

The door to the lab whished open and McCoy emerged.

“Getting that lunch down?”

“Yes, Doctor,” Spock answered as he set the spoon down beside the soup dish. “Just finished. Very tasty.”

“Good, good,” McCoy agreed with an encouraging smile. “Let’s see how you’re doing.“ He ran the bio scanner over Spock. “Better. Better. Now you get some rest and then you can go swim a few laps and spend some time on the treadmill. Exercise should build up your strength and help with that nasty bowel problem. We’ll get a few more vegetables and fruits in you at supper, and those will help with the whole process. Right now, rest and let that lunch benefit you.“ He turned to other duties and missed Spock’s puzzled look. 

McCoy was being nice to him? That was very illogical behavior for the doctor.

Spock was comfortable around Earthlings. He did not know, though, if he would ever understand them completely.

 

“I’ve made some very interesting conclusions, Jim,“ McCoy said to Kirk as they sat in their apartment on the surface of the planet. “The allergies from their native flower seem to affect the juveniles adversely until they become sexually active. Not that I’m condoning juvenile mating, mind you, but in this culture, it might not be a bad idea. Their tradition dictates that young people should be celibate until the equivalent of our age thirty. I know how that‘d go over on Earth. It wouldn’t.”

“As you say, though, it’s not in their customs. Does it affect all of them?”

“No, only some.” McCoy frowned as he thought. “About as often and to the degree that Earth’s allergies affect people of our species.”

Kirk’s eyes sparkled with humor. “Do you mean us Earthlings?”

“We used to be able to call ourselves human beings,” McCoy grumbled. “I guess that’s what we get for associating with extraterrestrials.” 

“It means we’ve extended our acceptance of beings other than ourselves to have the human qualities that we admire.”

“Some believe that our human qualities are flawed. A certain green-blooded alien that I won’t mention, for example.”

“I don’t know if he believes that, Bones, or if we just keep proving it to him.”

“Whatever,” McCoy grumbled. “Give me a good, old-fashioned, flawed Earthling any day instead of a machine to have to deal with. At least I‘d know where I stand with the Earthling.”

“Come on, Bones. Where’s the challenge in that? Not have the opportunity to teach? To instruct an alien?”

“You’re pulling my leg,” McCoy muttered, then grinned without humor. “Can you imagine how Spock would interpret that? I say something like that and he’d actually visualize you grabbing one of my legs and yanking.”

“He does have trouble with our idioms. And sometimes it must seem that our language has descended into nothing but idioms. Imagine how confusing that must be.”

“Not so for the older inhabitants of this planet. They seemed to understand our slang right off and are very interesting to deal with. I’ve enjoyed having discussions with them and observing their universities. I’d like to spend more time with them and study their theories.”

“But can they apply their theories to practical matters? Can they, for instance, use their knowledge to help their youth?”

“To them, the juveniles are a humorous aggravation that will sort itself out in a few years. Nothing to be concerned about.”

“I’m sure the juveniles would give you a different picture, Bones. If they had a choice, I’m sure they’d not want to waste years in angst and fretting about their feelings.”

“Feelings, eh? Maybe a good, old-fashioned dose of Kolinar would help them,” McCoy noted as he bounced on the balls of his feet. “A certain Vulcan we know could lecture about a surefire method to curb emotions. He could conduct seminars in their universities. It would draw thousands! Wouldn’t that give Professor Spock a new challenge? Think of the benefits! If nothing else, it’d get him out of my hair for awhile. Maybe then he’d learn to appreciate me. I’d have to look pretty good to him after a few rounds with these brats.”

“But we’ll never know the results of that experiment, will we? Spock couldn’t do something like that. He’s allergic to their world.”

“Him, and those allergens. Hmm. Wonder why he didn’t become testy like the juveniles? And why it’s left me alone. Looks like I’d be a prime candidate to be influenced with radical behavior.“

Kirk had to bite the inside of his cheek to keep from commenting. Spock, on the other hand, would’ve jumped on the remark.

“Maybe he picked up some of their angst along with the allergies, and we just don‘t know about it yet,” McCoy continued.

“Anything’s possible.”

“Let’s hope not,” McCoy said with a droll smile. “I don’t know if we could handle a juvenile Vulcan. Life‘s interesting enough with the hybrid Vulcan-Earthling mix that we‘ve got.”

“I wish there was more we could do on a practical level for these folks, Bones. We need to bring the problem out of the philosophical stage into the everyday arena so we can find a solution. Maybe they could eradicate the plant causing the allergy.”

“No can do, Jim. It’s their national flower. It‘s sacred to them. Practically a deity.” McCoy grew thoughtful. “Makes you wonder, though, doesn’t it?”

“What’s that?”

“The allergy turns the virgin juveniles into delinquents, but it renders Spock weak and malnourished. Do you suppose that means he’s a sex addict and we just didn‘t know? I would’ve never guessed that. And if it’s true, he keeps it well hidden.”

“If that’s your criteria, I must’ve grown up in the middle of fields of that plant. And I’ve never seen anything that looked like it back in Iowa. Can you imagine what I would‘ve been like if I had?“

“As Spock would say, ‘Fascinating!‘”

“There would’ve been no controlling me. Reckless, rebellious, and over-sexed should’ve been my middle names the way it was.”

McCoy gave him a sly smile. “You do make me proud to share a gender with you. I’d take off my hat to your prowess and reputation, but I think that taking off my trousers would be a more appropriate gesture.”

“Why, thank you, Doctor McCoy. It’s nice to be appreciated by more than just the ladies.”

“Are you kidding? You’re a standard bearer!”

“Well--” Kirk tried to sound modest.

“But I guess a standard isn’t really what you’re noted for bearing." McCoy gave Kirk a sly smile and winked. "Is it?”

Kirk actually blushed. “Doctor McCoy!” 

“Or should I say B-A-R-I-N-G it?”

“Ouch! Puns! You’re in rare form today, Doctor!”

“Hey, what can I say? Provide me with good material, and I’m not passing it up.”

“Spock needs to hurry and get better fast. I don’t like being your straight man in your comedy act.”

“Spock and I do have a certain rhythm, don’t we?”

“And I don’t?” 

McCoy shot him a look to question his meaning.

“I haven’t had any complaint from the ladies, Bones. Not any.“

They both collapsed with laughter. 

McCoy wiped away happy tears. “We’re slaphappy or punch drunk or high on flower power from this planet, I don’t know which, because we aren’t even tired.”

“Or drunk. We could remedy that, you know.”

“Anytime.” McCoy grew thoughtful. “In the meantime, I hope we’re being thorough about those allergies. I hope that we aren’t overlooking anything.”


	3. Chapter 3

“Great idea coming here, Jim,” the slight man said in approval as he looked around the bar. “This place beats our quarters anytime for a night of drinking. And our apartment down here gets kind of quiet after awhile. I like getting out so I can see something else besides your pretty face.”

“I figured you‘d like it, Bones“ Jim Kirk agreed. “I asked you here for a reason.”

McCoy gave Kirk a sly smile. “Why, Captain Kirk, honey! Are you getting ready to declare yourself? Mercy, me,“ he slurred, simpering like a Southern belle, “this is so sudden!“ He batted his eyelashes. “Whatever will the Colonel say?“

“How many of those have you had to drink tonight?”

McCoy studied his drink with a scowl. “Not enough, apparently.”

“No, I wanted to talk to you about something.”

“Be still, my foolish heart. And a moment ago I thought you were just trying to get me drunk and have your way with me. I should’ve known nothing or nobody could turn your head away from the Enterprise.”

“I love the Enterprise, but it’s great to get away from her for a little while.“

McCoy lifted an eyebrow. “Now you’re joshing me. The Enterprise is the only female who‘ll have your complete loyalty.“

“There’s a reason for that. She’s the only female I’ll ever completely trust.“

“Thank goodness you don’t feel that way about males. Otherwise, I’d never know when I’d be given notice to hit the road. Or in our case, a space dock.“

“You’re a little erratic, but I’m used to you by now.“

“You couldn’t cope with anyone normal?“ McCoy asked with a devious gleam in his startling blue eyes. “Is that what you’re saying?“

“Now you’re putting words in my mouth. You‘re the best Chief Medical Officer I know, even if you are a little rough around the edges and your bedside manner could be a little more soothing.“

“What the hell. I know the score. I think you just like to surround yourself with abnormal beings. Take that First Officer of yours, for example.“

“I like surrounding myself with the best, Bones, and don’t you forget it.“

“Don’t get sticky,“ McCoy muttered.

“You and Spock define opposite sides of me. I suppose that’s why friendship with you feels different from my friendship with Spock.”

“Can I get an ‘Amen?’” McCoy asked, holding his hands heavenward.

Kirk set down his drink. “I’m serious, Bones.”

McCoy looked irritated. “So am I.”

“I guess what I meant to say,” Kirk said as he sat forward, trying to explain, “is that he and I seem to be at peace with each other.”

McCoy shot Kirk a look. “And you and I aren‘t?”

“Yes, but for different reasons.”

“Can I get another ‘Amen?’” 

“Bones--”

“All right. I’ll behave.”

“Thank you. Sometimes it‘s difficult being a superior officer to friends.”

“Yeah, and I could make it easier for you.” He gave Kirk a lazy smile. “And sometimes it just pleases me to be an old curmudgeon, Jimmy, boy.” He looked into his glass. “Did I ever mention that this is a very good bourbon?”

“Several times this evening.”

McCoy continued smiling at his drink. “I know this really isn’t bourbon, but it certainly tastes like it. The pride of the South. Better than mother’s milk, and you get to drink it a damned sight longer.”

“Bones--“

“How can they do that, Jim? How can they make this taste so much like bourbon, when I know it isn’t? How can they make it taste so much like something from home?“

“Maybe something here on the planet wants to please you.”

“Our mystery narcotic? Well, if it’s all just an illusion, I’m ready to play along. And if that native plant is responsible, my hat’s off to it. Earth needs to import it. It‘ll give farming a whole new lease on life. Agriculture will experience a renaissance.“

“Bones? Please? What I want to talk about? Gentleman to gentleman?”

He favored Kirk with an affectionate look. “Well, if you’re going to get all gallant about it--”

“Maybe I should wait until you sober up. I thought getting you all relaxed would keep you from peeling the hide off my backside.”

“Must be about Spock,“ McCoy muttered. “Just don’t give me a reason, and your backside will be safe.“ He frowned. “Are you gonna give me a reason? You know, to start peeling?“

“I hope not. It’s just that sometimes you aren’t too, ah, receptive, to what I have to say.“

“I’m always charming and cooperative.“

Kirk shook his head. “This alcohol is either working on me. Or isn’t. Now I‘m hearing things.“

“It isn’t the alcohol. Or your hearing. Generally, it’s your subject. And what was that you were saying about my bedside manner not being very soothing? Sir, I take umbrage with that slur on my honor and upon my profession.”

“Try to deny that you don’t run a pretty tight ship down in sickbay.”

His smile was almost obnoxiously sweet. “Don’t want to disappoint my captain. He’s the best in the fleet. Don‘t want sickbay to fall below the standards he‘s set.”

“Stop hiding behind me. Admit that you take a perverse pleasure in cracking the whip down there. I‘ve heard tales.”

“Well-l-l-l, a Starship is always a hotbed for rumors. I can’t be responsible for every little story that escapes my domain. But I make sure of one thing.” He tilted his head back to sip. “The whip marks never show.” He shot Kirk an evil smile. “Do they?”

“Just so I don’t have to explain where the bodies are buried. Now. What I was discussing. There seems to be some tension about you.”

“Tension?! Hell! What would I be tense about?!” McCoy waved his hand in the air. “You might as well say I‘ve been tense since I stepped foot on the Enterprise. Which I have been. We do get in some pretty hellish situations, my dear Captain.“ He looked up and saw Kirk‘s exasperation. “All right. All right. I promise. Again.“ He frowned. “You were talking friendships. I wouldn’t go that far with Spock and me. Wouldn’t ‘relationships’ be a better term?” he asked, sounding remarkably sober.

“Well, sure, I suppose.” It always amazed Kirk how fast McCoy could sober up. Kirk supposed the subject of Spock had that effect on McCoy.

“We are talking Spock, aren’t we? You have raised his name in our discussion, haven’t you? Wait a minute,“ McCoy muttered. “I might’ve been the bastard who introduced that sour note into the evening.“

“Bones--“

“Relationships. Hmm. Among the three main officers on the Starship Enterprise. Hmm. The captain, the science officer, and the chief medical officer. Hmm.“ McCoy glared at Kirk. “Notice how I ranked the officers? That might be a clue.“

“Bones. You know you‘re important to me. I think of us as a triangle, not a ladder with me on top and you on the bottom. That‘s in effect only on the Bridge.“

“Yeah, you‘re right. I‘m the bastard.”

“I didn‘t say that. There doesn‘t have to be a bad guy here.”

“Hmm. No bad guy. What a concept.” He waved him away when McCoy saw Kirk open his mouth to say something. “All right. Relationships. I’ll play nicely. For now.“ He frowned. “Relationships among the three of us. Hmm. Let me put it this way. Sometimes you and Spock seem like dueling intellectuals, always discussing moral issues. You and I, on the other hand, are on a more emotional level with the humaneness of a situation .”

“That’s sounds about right.” When McCoy got around to not being an ass, he could really sum a situation up nicely. “And what would you say is the relationship between you and Mr. Spock?”

“That of a feisty rooster and an aloof peacock squaring off at each other in a very small, but flying chicken house,” McCoy muttered.

Kirk laughed and was happy he hadn’t been taking a sip of his drink. “You’ve thought about this before. Otherwise, you couldn’t have come up with that answer so quickly.”

“You didn’t even ask which one of us is the rooster!” McCoy protested.

“I didn’t have to ask. I could visualize the feisty rooster aggravating the aloof peacock, trying to get a reaction out of him.”

“And did you see the peacock acting as though the rooster didn’t exist?”

“I did. But I also saw what the rooster can’t or won’t see. And I can see what the peacock doesn’t let the rooster see him doing: watching out for the rooster, trying to keep him grounded when he plunges into an emotional tirade, picking up his sorry ass when he’s tried to fall on his face again. All in all, being a better friend than the rooster deserves. Or realizes.”

“I’d better get you to sickbay, fast! Now, you’re hallucinating!”

“Spock is still learning our ways. If he wasn’t interested in us, though, he wouldn’t be trying. Help him. I know it can‘t be easy for him.”

“I know he’s trying, Jim. I’m not as blind as you think I am. Now, do you think we can stop acting like we’re ladies at some damned Sunday School picnic and get back to some serious drinking?”

“Maybe you don’t want to change. Are you two maybe a little unwilling to give up the bickering because you both like it?”

“I wouldn’t dignify our relationship by calling it a friendship. It’s special, though. And I wouldn’t take what he says from anyone else. Not even you.” McCoy looked thoughtful. “You and he are in an exclusive club, aren‘t you?”

“There’s still room for you.”

“Where?”

Kirk frowned. “Is that the trouble? Are you jealous?”

“No. Just feeling a little left out, especially by him.”

“He can offer only so much. I accept what he’s capable of giving.”

“And I want more from him.”

“He can’t give it, Bones.”

“And I think he can; he just won’t. A moment ago you asked me to help him try. Now it sounds like you’ve telling me something different.”

“I meant what I said. I just thought I’d put a different focus on your technique. Instead of being so harsh, be a little more subtle. Be the Southern gentleman I know you can be.”

“He’ll think I’m demented for sure.”

“Try, just don’t expect what he’s incapable of giving, or you’ll be disappointed.”

“I am already. But it isn’t just for me that I‘m disappointed. I want so much more for him. He’s missing out.”

“Not according to me. He knows if he wants to tag along with me, he’ll have to play by my rules. I’ve got my own agenda and I get focused on that. It’s a game of strategy for me, and I use the people with me as pawns. I set them out as game pieces, throw some obstacles in their paths, and watch to see what happens."

"That's playing with people's lives, Jim. You have no idea what you're really doing to them. It's more than a game to them."

"I'm not a cruel god, Bones. I try to be ethical. I do nothing that wouldn't be in the best interests of others. I also try to correct wrongs. I think that my followers can understand all that. All I want is loyalty. In fact, I can get pretty demanding of those who choose to travel with me. They better follow my directions, or get lost in my dust. Spock understands that. He’s a great companion. For all of his philosophical conjectures, Spock still likes a good, old-fashioned brawl. And I seem to be some kind of magnet for that sort of thing.”

“Don’t tell me! I’ve patched you up plenty of times when you’ve come back bleeding, but grinning. You plunge right into the fray, like a crazed general leading a squad of troops into battle, whether you’ve got backup or not. You do kind of charge ahead and assume the other guy is gonna follow.”

“Someone always has. But, if not, I’m going to have a helluva good time on my own.”

“That’s what makes the other guy follow. He doesn’t want to miss anything, and he thinks you know where all the action is.”

Kirk gave McCoy a lazy smile. “I generally do.”

“Yeah, you generally do, and Spock knows that.” 

“He and I love the adventure. While you, you grumble and complain, making it sound like you’re being kidnapped. But I notice you’re tagging along, too.”

“Somebody has to keep the Enterprise crew alive and in one piece while you’re out having all these adventures.”

“I think you enjoy it, too.”

“Beats taking inventory back on the Enterprise, or being on duty during a flu outbreak.”

“You like the adventure. Otherwise, you’d be back in Georgia, dispensing pills and catering to little, old ladies whose only real problems are loneliness and old age.”

“They need medical solicitude, too,” McCoy grumbled.

“But not from you. That kind of life would drive you crazy in a week. After a month, even Spock would look good to you.”

“Don’t go questioning my sanity. I do that enough,” McCoy grumbled.

“In two months, you’d probably even be missing him.”

“Don’t go getting all sticky!”

“We‘d miss you, and you‘d miss us.”

“Well, of course, I would! The Enterprise is my home!”

“Just wanted to make sure you realized that.”

“Of course, I do! Where else would I be if I wasn’t with you guys?!”

“I don’t ever want to find out. I know it isn’t easy, but we’re family. And just like other families, we’re don’t always get along. We’re quirky. We’re individuals. But we make allowances. And we stick together. That’s how families work.”

“Save your breath. Explain it to the Vulcan where it’ll do some good. I understand all that.“ McCoy pursed his lips, then mellowed. “I guess I’d miss all the adventure, too. Racing all over the universe. Rounding up the bad guys. Bringing law and order to the plains of the galaxy. Count me in.”

Kirk smiled. “Great! But are you sure that’s not just the alcohol talking?”

“Can’t be,” McCoy said as he studied the bottom of his glass. “Since this seems to be as dry as the planet Mars. The bourbon seems to be all gone. What are you going to do about this situation, oh, great and powerful captain of the Starship Enterprise?” McCoy asked with a lazy grin.

“Order you another,” Kirk conceded with a sigh as he raised his hand and signaled the bartender.

“And, Jim,” McCoy said in the suddenly sober voice that always amazed Kirk. “I’ll try harder with Spock. Contrary to the evidence you generally see, he is important to me. I’ll do anything I can to protect him. I won’t let him get hurt. You are the two guys I’d walk through fire for and not think it was a sacrifice. For me, it would be a privilege.“ 

“Thanks, Bones. Ditto, for me for you two. I know Spock would appreciate knowing that, also.“

“But if you tell him any of that, I’ll deny it.“

“Bones--”

“Don’t want it going to his head.” McCoy looked reflective as he toyed with his glass. “That isn’t it. I don’t know what he’s thinking, or how. But he and I can work together. We haven’t killed each other yet. And don’t worry about losing your friends or your team. I know where I belong. And I’m not going anywhere.”

Kirk’s face broke into a broad grin. “That’s the best news I’ve heard in a long time. I could kiss you!”

McCoy waved him away. “Back off. I’m not your type. I’m not female or the Enterprise. Besides, if you get too close to me now, you’ll get drunk from the fumes.”

“You don’t need to tell me,” Kirk said, waving him away.

McCoy gave him a lazy grin and pointed at his mouth. “Just be happy it’s coming out this end.”

Kirk rolled his eyes. “I’ve always been lucky.”

“That’s ‘cause you’re special, too.”

“Now we’re at the sentimental stage of the evening.”

“Not quickly enough. Barkeep! Where’s my drink? Oh,” he said as the burly man thumped the glass before him. “Speak, and it appears.” He lifted the glass. “Here’s to you, Captain James T. Kirk! May you live long and prosper!”

Kirk smirked. “Now you’re quoting Spock.”

“If you’re going to get nasty, I‘ll take back my toast.”

“Me? Never! I’ll take well wishes wherever I can get them. And they’re doubly welcomed because they’re from you.”

“Well, if you’re going to get sticky about it--” 

“I get sentimental, too, Bones. I need you. I need you with me. Always. You‘ll always have a home with me.“ He looked steadily at McCoy. “Never forget that.”

McCoy returned the steady look, then finally said in a quiet voice, “You’re the only guy I know that can be drunk as hell, look someone straight in the eye, and spill his guts like that without sounding corny.”

“That’s ‘cause I mean it.”

“The big, bad star fleet captain who isn’t afraid of his feminine side. The guy has it all.”

“Yes, he does. The ship, the crew, the friends, the life. He’s one lucky bastard, and he knows it.”

“And I’m one of the lucky bastards that he lets tag along with him. Damned you, James T. Kirk!” he roared with a huge grin. “I feel like I could embrace the universe!“ 

Kirk grinned back. “Lucky universe.” 

“At least the Enterprise. Helluva crew we’re got.“

Kirk nodded. “The best.“

McCoy looked inward as he considered his crew mates. “A privilege to serve with them. Every twisted one of them.” He looked thoughtful. “Some of them more twisted than others.“ His eyes glistened.“ What the hell! As long as we’re getting sticky, we might as well toast Spock, too.“ He raised his glass again. “Here’s to a certain pointy-eared Vulcan we both know. He’s a contrary son-of-a-bitch, but he’s our contrary son-of-a-bitch.” 

Kirk raised his own glass. “Hear! Hear!“

McCoy frowned at his glass. “Maybe I better call it a night. I’m more sentimental than I thought. I‘m starting to miss that green-blooded hobgoblin.”

Kirk smiled with affection. “On you, it looks good, Bones. On you, it looks good.”

“Wonder how he’s doing?” McCoy pondered, almost to himself.


	4. Chapter 4

The lights on the Enterprise had dimmed to imitate nighttime, and most of the crew was asleep. Leonard McCoy slipped into sickbay and nodded at the young nurse on duty.

“Doctor McCoy! We weren’t expecting you here this evening. You beamed up?”

“Just checking, Nurse Bradley. Is everyone asleep?“

“Yes, Doctor.“

“I’m just going to peek in on Mr. Spock.“

“He seems well, Doctor. Resting comfortably.“

“Can’t hurt.“ He walked past her.

Nurse Bradley smiled. The old mother hen was clucking tonight, that was for sure. But, whew!, Nurse Bradley thought as she waved away the odor McCoy had stirred, was that old biddy plastered!

McCoy eased himself silently through the semi-darkness. His hip jostled the table beside Spock’s bed, and he grabbed it, causing some of the contents to jiggle. “S-h-h-h!” he said softly to the table.

Spock’s eyes flew open at the slight sound and he turned to it.

“Doctor?”

“Didn’t mean to awaken you, Spock.”

He noticed McCoy’s odor and pulled back slightly. “Did you and the Captain have a good evening?”

“The best!”

Spock lifted an eyebrow and pulled back from the stench. “I’m glad to hear it.”

“You should’ve been with us!”

“Perhaps another time.”

“You were missed, Spock. You were missed.”

Spock stared at the shadowy man. How drunk was he?

“Jim wouldn’t tell you that, but I will. You were missed.”

Spock had never found Kirk at a loss for words when it came to a declaration of his devotion as a friend or his need of Spock as a member of his crew. McCoy had been the one reluctant to call Spock a friend.

“Of course, that could just be the alcohol talking.”

Spock could imagine the slaphappy smile smeared across McCoy’s face.

“Jim says that it makes me a sentimental fool.”

Light blazed in the dim room, and Spock squinted away from the glare.

“Let’s just see how you are doing.” McCoy ran the bio scanner over Spock and checked the vitals chart over Spock’s head. Then he leaned over Spock, checked his eyes, and cranked Spock‘s head back and forth several times. “Huh. Neck seems to be working alright. But there was never any doubt of that, was there?” He chuckled at his own joke. 

Spock could not escape the odor as it radiated off the doctor who had at least seemed somewhat more sober since the light had come on.

“Well, well, very good.” McCoy squeezed Spock’s shoulder and smiled at the Vulcan. “We’ll have you better in no time. Just don‘t neglect yourself when you‘re out playing Cowboys and Indians with Jim next time, and we‘ll all have a better day. I’ll let you get back to sleep now. And, if there‘s anything you need, just holler.” He slapped Spock’s shoulder and winked. “I might even be able to find books with dirty pictures in them for you. Doctors are supposed to have access to things like that, you know. Just don’t let Nurse Chapel see them, okay?”

McCoy puttered around a few more minutes, then insisted on tucking Spock in. 

“There you are,“ McCoy clucked. “All cozy-wozey for the night.“ When he was finally satisfied that his patient was comfortable, McCoy eased himself out the room.

Spock stared at the vacant door.

Was this the same doctor who had been so scathing and disrespectful to Captain Kirk and himself just a few days before?

Earthlings! He would never understand them.

 

One evening as they sat in their quarters on the planet, Kirk gazed at his companion. “Why so quiet, Bones?”

“I’ve been thinking.“

”Oh?“ Kirk said as he wondered at McCoy‘s sudden seriousness.

“That plant from this planet? The one with the odd flower?“

Kirk smiled. “The one Spock liked to wear behind his right ear? Yeah, what about it?“

“Could it have caused a change in Spock’s temperament?”

Kirk shrugged. “Sure. Why?”

“Have you noticed a change in my behavior today?”

“Outside of not wanting to do anything except sit in this boring apartment and watching old twentieth-century cowboy movies? You’ve gotten quieter as the day progressed, but that just could be the affect of too many John Wayne movies in a row. Now, you’re almost lethargic.”

“As if I had been away from the effect of the flowers?” McCoy asked with a wry and lazy smile. 

“Yeah, I guess.”

He looked at Kirk fondly. “Call it an experiment, if you will.”

“Oh?”

“I’ve been having the time of my life down here on this planet. I’ve loved everything about it, especially the government and universities. Even you’ve said you’ve never seen me so happy.“

“I did say that.“

“It got me to thinking. So I deliberately stayed indoors today, in air conditioning.”

“Yeah?”

“Away from the flowers.”

“And?”

“And I felt like I crashed about two hours ago, nursing a helluva headache. Now I’m starting to come out the other side.”

“Drug withdrawal?”

“All the symptoms. Have you felt like jumping any woman you came around?”

“Not since early afternoon. Maureen O’Hara was starting to look good, and she’s been dead for several centuries. Besides, I haven‘t been around any living women today. You wanted me here with you.” He stared hard at McCoy. “Is that why you insisted that I stay with you today? In here?”

“Yep.”

“We were lab rats?”

“Yep.”

“And your conclusions?”

“The flower of the beloved plant of this planet is narcotic.”

“You got suspicious of it because of Spock’s symptoms?”

“Partly. And partly the way you and the rest of the landing party acted when you got back to the Enterprise. I’ve been behaving the same way down here. I’ve loved every minute since we got here, until today, when I didn’t go outside.“

“Pretty conclusive proof.“

“We mainly know of Spock’s uncharacteristic behavior down here. We didn’t get to watch any withdrawal of his because he was sleeping, trying to recover from his malnutrition and exhaustion.” McCoy frowned. “There’s something I’ve neglected to tell you. Something happened that you don‘t know about. A behavior of his that I didn‘t report.“

“Falsifying reports? That’s neglect of duty.”

“I didn’t falsify them. I just didn’t elaborate. Let’s just say it was for personal reasons.”

“Personal?”

“Let me explain. The flower perhaps has other properties that, I believe, distort judgment. That could explain Spock’s odd behavior on the planet and in sickbay when he was brought back weak and malnourished.“

“What odd behavior in sickbay?“

“When the two guards and I got him on the biobed, he looked up at me, gave me what I can only describe as a sweet smile, told me how wonderful it was to see me again, and murmured my given name.“

“Leonard?“

“It’s the first time I’ve ever heard him call me that.”

“Murmured? You say he murmured?”

“Like a gurgling brook in a secluded glen in rural Georgia. Then he grabbed my hand and wouldn‘t let go, like I was his lifeline.” 

“He must’ve been missing you down here and wanted to let you know that he was happy that you were back together again.“ 

“He’s never done that before. I’ve never had any indication that he felt that way. I didn‘t realize I was that important to him. It‘s nice to know.”

“That’s what I’ve always told you. You’re right, though,” Kirk continued. “He never has come out and gushed over a friendship with you. He’s loyal and supportive to me, but that’s where it’s stopped. Other people aren‘t included. His inhibitions must’ve really been lowered by that plant.“

“There’s more,” McCoy said hesitantly. “When he grabbed my hand, he said he was happy that he was where he would be safe. It was like he had the faith of a child, faith in ME. Jim, he had tears in his eyes. He said my name and how happy he was to see me, that he knew I could help him. Do you know what it took for him to say that? How worried he was about himself?”

“He realized that his behavior wasn’t normal here on the planet then and wanted to get back to the one person he knew could help.”

McCoy didn‘t speak for a moment, and Kirk realized that the medical man was about to say something that was almost spiritual to him. “He said,” McCoy whispered in hushed tones, “he said that my hands would heal him. I always figured he trusted me; I never knew that he believed in me. That’s pretty heady stuff, Jim. It made me want to move mountains for him. It made me feel like I could move mountains. I was in awe of that faith for days. By the time he came around, though, the affect of his homecoming had worn off both of us. He was back to his impersonal, judgmental self and I was--”

“Back to running sickbay like a tyrant with a bullwhip. That accounts for your magnanimous behavior when he was unconscious. You were still in the glow of his praise. Here, I just thought you’d decided to dedicate yourself to the ethereal art of healing from your throne on high.”

“You can see why I couldn’t include any of this information in an official report. It would’ve made both of us sound pie-in-the-sky and unprofessional. It really was between him and me as people, not between patient and doctor. Besides, I didn’t want it to reflect badly on him. He didn‘t even know what he was doing. That’s why I believe I can get more from him, Jim. I know he’s capable of it. I’ve seen proof. I know he can say it. I just want to hear it when he isn’t compromised by the effects of some strange narcotic.”

McCoy was right. This was personal, very, very personal.


	5. Chapter 5

At first, he thought that he was imagining it. Then he realized he wasn’t. 

It had started so slowly that Kirk hadn’t noticed, then it was impossible to miss. Something was wrong. Something was terribly wrong, and Kirk felt off-balance because of it. He didn’t know what was causing this strange new problem with his equilibrium, but he didn‘t like it. It wasn’t really a physical thing, nothing he could report to McCoy, but still it was there. It affected him more mentally and emotionally than if his bodily functions had fluctuated slightly. It was more a FEELING than anything else. He SENSED it more than knew it. Something wasn’t quite right aboard the Enterprise, and he didn’t know what. Then one day he saw Spock deliberately duck away from McCoy when they were going to meet in a corridor. And McCoy had not only not hollered at Spock for the deliberate snub, he had looked alarmed and had ducked away himself in furtive haste.

They were avoiding each other? When had that started?

Then Kirk remembered that when he had eaten with one of them lately, the other was always absent. He hadn’t thought anything about it at those times; now he watched for the behavior. After several meals, he knew that he wasn’t imagining it. They weren’t a threesome anymore. It was either him and Spock or him and McCoy. 

And the mood and tempo of their meals had changed, too. Where once they had been lively and distracting affairs, now they were quick, silent occasions with Kirk talking business and his dining companion answering in monosyllables. Gone was the exchange of ideas with the other two which helped Kirk so much with philosophical decisions. Kirk might as well have been delivering a monologue to a non-responsive audience as much feedback as he was getting from them. Gone, too, was the clever repartee and the bickering from the other two which had always amused Kirk and helped him dispel tension. 

Something was brewing between Spock and McCoy, alright. Kirk’s two friends were acting oddly, especially toward each other. 

Kirk could tell that other crew members were beginning to notice the odd behavior, too, but no one seemed to mention it. They just gave each other mystified looks and quietly scurried back to their own duties. Where once the crew had smiled indulgently at Spock and McCoy’s debates, they now looked puzzled at the quiet between the two. And that made a similar quiet settle on the rest of the crew followed closely by an unwanted, unspoken state of unrest. 

Something was wrong, and Jim Kirk had to find out what it was and fix it. He had to do his Captain thing.

 

They stood there, side by side as they had always done, in front of Kirk in his quarters. But by the way they were acting, though, Spock and McCoy might as well have been alone.

Jim Kirk tried not to let his frustration show, but he knew it did. The two had not answered his questions except with monosyllabic mumbles. No explanations for their uncharacteristic behavior were forthcoming.

Kirk leaned forward on his desk with his knuckles and glared at them. “I don’t know what’s happened to you two and I don’t need to know, unless it starts to interfere with the running of this ship. Then I will make it my business, and somebody will have to come up with some pretty good answers!”

When they still did not respond, Kirk dismissed them with a curt command. After the door whished shut behind them, he threw an innocent cup across the room and watched it shatter against the opposite wall.

It did nothing to ease the tight knot in the center of his abdomen or steady his rapid breathing or warm the chill racing across his shoulders.

He could not believe it!

They had looked so wooden.

 

Now their actions were out in the open. Where once Kirk didn’t see one without the other, now he saw them alone. And if by chance they arrived at the same place at the same time, they quickly scattered, sometimes in the direction from which they had just arrived. Their actions were like a burlesque played broadly, except there was no laughter from their audience, only pathos. If this were indeed a comedy, it was too dark.

He hadn’t seen either of them socially for days. Work shifts became mechanical sessions of repeated maneuvers performed from habit. His crewmates functioned like an army of robots. For the first time, space exploring became tedious for Jim Kirk. 

 

“Look, I didn’t tell you to avoid each other!” Kirk yelled at them in his quarters.

“Jim, I--”

Kirk rounded on McCoy, took a good look, and was appalled by the doctor’s appearance. Never robust, the slender man looked like a ghost of himself. His face was puffy from lack of sleep, and his blue eyes seemed to be dulled by sadness. The skin on his face hung in loose wrinkles, and his shoulders slumped from an unseen weight. He was really showing his age.

“Yes, Dr. McCoy? Do you have something to say?”

McCoy lowered his head and shook it.

“Then maybe you‘d like to explain to me why you look like hell. I‘ve seen healthier faces on week-old corpses, and that‘s after the Romulans got through with them!” 

Kirk saw Spock bite his lips together and start to look at McCoy with concern. Then, as if remembering, he brought his eyes forward again, but his face stayed creased in a frown. Interesting, Kirk thought. Spock’s worried about McCoy.

“Are you going to answer me, Doctor McCoy?”

“Yes, sir,” McCoy answered in a soft, tired voice, then reconsidered. “I guess I have nothing to say, sir. Sorry.”

“I think you better be answering me, Mister!”

“Has our behavior interfered with the running of this ship, Captain?” Spock demanded.

Odd, Kirk thought. Spock’s protecting Bones. He just butted in and risked getting himself in trouble, simply to take the heat off McCoy.

Odder still, Kirk thought, as he saw McCoy turn toward Spock with alarm on his face. Kirk could almost hear McCoy telling Spock not to risk it. The Doctor’s mouth opened slightly as if he were going to caution Spock, then he thought better of it. A flash of gratitude replaced it as McCoy‘s eyes flicked with longing over Spock‘s stoic features. Then McCoy’s eyes hollowed and intense emotional pain quickly followed before McCoy remembered to pull his head forward again. But his face remained a battleground of intense emotion.

They aren’t angry at each other, Kirk thought, far from it. There’s a mutual concern between them that’s almost touching because it’s so fragile. 

I have to answer Spock, Kirk thought. Remember to sound incensed.

“No, Mr. Spock, it has not! And it better not! Now, get out of here, the both of you!”

‘We are dismissed, Captain?” Spock asked as he and McCoy both stared ahead with tension gripping their faces.

Kirk stared at them. All sorts of snappy, but unprofessional, answers raced through his mind. He settled for, “Dismissed!” then turned to the wall so he didn’t have to watch them leaving, presumably, quietly and in different directions.

 

Tension built inside the Enterprise and released itself through odd outlets. A not so humorous food fight raged in the cafeteria over a soda cracker shortage. Why soda crackers, Kirk wondered. He would join, hell, he would LEAD, a demonstration about a shortage of beef steak! Now, that would be an intolerable situation worthy of a harangue of the highest caliber. But soda crackers? One ensign sniffed that she couldn’t eat peanut butter or soup anymore without soda crackers. All she needed was soda crackers! When Kirk suggested that she try biscuits instead, she burst into sobs and ran from the cafeteria. 

The whole ship disintegrated into housekeeping disorders. It was as if the elves of mayhem had taken command. The engineering department suddenly lost its ability to cope with the engines, computers all over the ships refused to work, and it was anybody’s guess what the intercoms would broadcast next, or where.

What plague had burst forth on the Enterprise? It was almost as if the ship and its crew had been infected with something.

Either an intergalactic witch had cast a spell over the starship, or Spock and McCoy’s behavior had unbalanced the rhythm of the ship. One way or another, Kirk had to get the ship back on keel and in working order. And since he didn’t believe in witchcraft, he summonsed Spock and McCoy to his quarters yet again.

 

“But it is not logical that you can blame us for the general disorder of the ship, Captain.“

“Perhaps not. But something is amiss.“ The Captain’s anger had slowly built, but neither of the two officers standing before him had offered any explanation, and Kirk was becoming more incensed. He started to pace. “I do not like this present situation, and I want this, whatever this is, to stop!” He glared back at them. “Do I make myself clear?!“

“Yes, sir.”

“Yes, sir.”

“Gentlemen, I want a solution, and I want it now!”

They stood silently and rigidly at attention.

“Oh--! Dismissed!”

They met at the door, ducked away from each other, and fled down different hallways. Kirk rolled his eyes in exasperation and sighed.

 

Recognizing that a problem truly existed strangely settled the rest of the ship. Soda crackers were located, and various mechanisms began working again. The only ones directly affected by Spock and McCoy’s cold war were those two and Captain Kirk. The rest of the crew accepted their avoidance of each other as the new norm, and a new routine ensued.


	6. Chapter 6

Jim Kirk stared at the papers in his hands, then at his Chief Medical Officer. “A transfer? You want a transfer?”

Dr. Leonard McCoy stared straight ahead. “Yes, Captain, I do.”

Kirk looked at him, perplexed. “But, why?”

“You demanded that something be done about Spock and me. I‘m doing it.”

Kirk grimaced. “Damn it, Bones! This really isn’t the solution I wanted, and you know it.”

“Sorry. It’s what seemed logical to me.”

“Logic? You’re using logic? What miracle is this? Now I expect Spock will start getting emotional? Don’t you want to be around here to witness that?” he asked with a desperate look on his face.

“It does seem a little ironic, doesn’t it?” McCoy asked as he somewhat relaxed his rigid stance. “But don’t wait for that other miracle to happen, because it never will. A machine won’t react. It won’t notice when its nuisance goes away.”

“I think our machine just might,” Kirk said softly. “I think he’d notice if you were gone. I know I would.”

“Please, Jim!” McCoy wiped his hand across his face. “This is difficult enough.”

“Then don’t do it.”

“I have to.”

“There’s no other way? You can’t talk to him? Find a compromise?”

Pain flashed across McCoy’s face before he lowered his head and shook it. “No,” he said softly.

“Bones, there’s so many things I’ve asked you to do down through the years, and you’ve always done them. You might’ve bitched your head off, but you always did them. But now this, simply talking to another person, you can’t do?”

“No, sir,” he mumbled.

Kirk studied the bent head. “And you would leave your career here, all you know, us, behind? Is it really worth it?”

“It is to me.” He straightened his shoulders and looked straight ahead. “May I be dismissed, Captain?”

“I-- Of course,” Jim said absently. “Dismissed.”

McCoy exited without another word, leaving Kirk completely baffled.

 

Kirk met Spock in the hallway. “A moment, Mr. Spock. My quarters.”

“Certainly, Captain.” He followed Kirk down the hallway in silence.

The door to Kirk’s quarters whispered shut on them, and Kirk wheeled to confront his First Officer. Kirk didn’t even offer Spock a chair. 

“Dr. McCoy tells me that he has arrived at a solution to your dilemma, and I wanted to get your opinion about it,” Kirk started without preamble. He knew his voice was sounding hard, but that was how he was feeling. He couldn‘t be indifferent.

Spock stared past Kirk. “Really, sir?”

Kirk didn’t soften it. “He’s requested a transfer out of here.”

Spock frowned and his mouth dropped open in surprise. Deep pain flashed across his face and he looked stunned. Then he seemed to remember himself and breathed deeply. With a visible effort, he wiped the emotion away. He raised an eyebrow in acknowledgement and nodded. “A logical solution.”

“That’s what McCoy said, too. It was logical.” Kirk had seen Spock’s pain and the struggle to erase it. He could barely speak from his awe of Spock’s control. “He seems to have learned something from you, after all.”

Spock blinked, but showed no other response to Kirk‘s words. “It would appear so, Captain.”

“And that’s it? No comments? No explanations?”

“If Doctor McCoy had none, then I have none, either.”

“Of all the stubborn! Do you know that, in that respect, you two are alike?”

Spock opened his mouth to make a cutting remark, then thought better of it. This was, after all, the Captain he was addressing, not a certain aggravating doctor. A certain aggravating doctor who would soon, it would appear, not be aggravating him anymore. That‘s what he had always wanted. 

Wasn‘t it? 

Spock mentally shook himself. The Captain. He must answer the Captain.

“It would appear so, Captain,” Spock repeated.

Kirk had seen a tiny ripple of emotion cross Spock‘s face as if he were regretting the present situation, then nothing except a haunting look from his eyes. “You have nothing else to say?” Kirk asked softly.

“No, sir. Except--”

“Yes?”

“If that is all, may I be excused, sir?”

Kirk wanted to say that in that way Spock was like McCoy, too, but Kirk sensed all he would accomplish was cause Spock further pain. For, despite all his efforts, Spock couldn’t quite disguise the crushing hurt in his eyes. Kirk wanted to lash out at the stoic alien, but Kirk knew it would do nothing to relieve his own intense feeling. Spock was his friend, too, and Kirk didn‘t want either one of them hurting. Hell, he didn‘t any of the THREE of them hurting. And now, they all were.

“Yes, of course. Dismissed,” Kirk mumbled and didn’t even watch Spock exit.

 

Kirk found McCoy alone in sickbay. McCoy glanced up from notes he was writing, recognized Kirk, and looked back at his notes.

“What can I do for our honorable Captain today?” McCoy mumbled as his eyes scanned his papers.

“I talked to Spock. He knows about your transfer.”

McCoy simply nodded.

“He isn’t saying anything, either.”

McCoy nodded again.

“Listen, Bones--”

McCoy put down his papers and glanced at Kirk with haunted eyes. “Can we not have this conversation? Please?”

Kirk nodded. “All right,” he replied in a barely audible voice. “I just don’t know where to go with this. I don‘t know how to handle it.”

“Just get me my damned transfer,“ McCoy muttered. 

“May I ask what happened?” Kirk asked softly.

Any color in McCoy’s face bleached to ashen shades. “I’d rather not say, sir.” 

Sir?!

Kirk grimaced with his own pain. “My God, Bones! Is it that serious?”

McCoy wouldn‘t look at him. “Please, Jim. Don’t ask. Just, just get me that transfer.”

“But you said you’d never leave us,” Kirk whispered and felt his eyes smart.

McCoy squeezed his eyes shut. “For all that’s Holy, Jim! I’m begging you! Please!”

Kirk could only nod. He had no further arguments.

 

“Come,” Kirk responded to the knock at his door as he set his novel down on the table beside his easy chair. He was amazed to see Spock enter his quarters. He hadn’t seen much of the alien socially for awhile.

“Mr. Spock. Have a chair. Please. Want anything to drink?”

Spock stood rigidly and stared straight ahead. “With the Captain’s permission, this is an official visit.”

Great, Kirk thought, now I have to deal with the Great Stone Face. “As you wish, Mr. Spock. What may I do for you?”

Spock straightened and looked more rigid than ever. Kirk wouldn’t have thought it possible.

“In regards to the proposed departure of Doctor McCoy, I have decided that I will be the one to go, instead.” Spock said without preamble. “It is more important for you Earthlings to stay together.”

Kirk looked exasperated. If there were ever a time for expletives, this was it. But Kirk refused to sink to that justifiable, but too easy, level. He narrowed his eyes and wished for a sarcastic rejoinder, but all he could manage was, “Oh, it is, is it?”

“It has been my observation that Earthlings are very social beings that require the society of other social beings of their species.”

“Oh?” Kirk inquired as he stood and paced a few steps. He knew he should be impartial, but sometimes this alien could really exasperate him. Kirk feared that this was going to be one of those times. He stopped and looked at Spock. “I am an Earthling, and I have no problem with that conclusion.”

“Of course not, Captain, you are an--”

Kirk waved his hand and started pacing again. “I know, I know. I am an Earthling. And you find our need to be with other creatures of our species to be a flaw in our structure. A weakness, if you will.” He stopped and looked back at Spock. “But I’m puzzled. I thought you liked socializing with us, too.”

“I find that I do, Captain. And that has brought my attention to another problem.”

“And that is?”

“I am becoming too human.”

“If this were a lighter moment, Mr. Spock, I’d say that becoming more human looks good on you.”

“But that is not why I came among you. I came to observe, to learn, to study.”

Kirk couldn‘t keep the edge out of his voice. He knew he was being spiteful, but he was starting to get upset by this smug, sanctimonious creature standing before him. “And have we been instructive little guinea pigs?”

Spock frowned and shot Kirk an unguarded look. “Sir?”

“Damn it, Spock, at the end of the day, or at the end of the solar day, or whatever it is we have out here in space, I am still an Earthling! We try not to be prejudiced against you, please do likewise for us! Stop thinking of us as animals in a zoo!“

Spock looked puzzled. “I am sorry, sir.“

Kirk took a few more steps in what was becoming a lopsided circle. “I don’t like being thought about as a laboratory experiment. Is that why you look down your condescending nose at us?” Kirk had stopped pacing and was glaring at Spock. “Why do you think you have the right to judge us? Are we really that inferior? That amusing?”

“I am sorry, Captain,” Spock said, trying to keep control of himself. “I am sorry if I gave you that impression.”

“Come on, Spock!” Kirk challenged as he began pacing again. “I would, if I were in your situation. You have to work with erratic, emotional Earthlings! You must find our actions to be very unreliable.”

“I never intended to question the behavior of Earthlings.”

“But that’s how it comes off to us! It’s like you’re judging us. I thought we meant more to you than that. If we here on the Enterprise and our way of life mean anything good to you at all, you‘re going to have to let us know. We Earthlings like to hear those things, even if it might seem obvious to all concerned. You can‘t impartially stand back and watch us. We won’t let you. You‘re going to have to participate, even if it‘s risky. It‘s risky for us, too. But that‘s what living, and Life, are all about.”

“And if I do not choose to participate?”

Kirk frowned, then cleared his face. “Then that’s your decision, I suppose. Look, Spock, I don’t want to fight with you. If you feel that you must leave the Enterprise, I will respect your wishes.”

“Thank you, Captain.”

“I’ll be sorry to see you go, of course,” Kirk said as unemotionally as he could. Spock would disapprove of anything less. “I have enjoyed serving with you.”

“And I with you, Captain. Our association has been a high point of my career.”

“Mine, too,” Kirk said as evenly as he could. He nodded stiffly. 

Spock nodded back aloofly. 

“Do you have plans?”

“This change will be an opportunity for me to further my studies back on Vulcan. I could eventually become an educator in one of our universities or an ambassador like my father. I will have many options available to me. Do not be concerned about me. I have a future awaiting me back there.” 

“And Dr. McCoy has nothing waiting for him, does he?”

“Earthlings should stay with Earthlings,” Spock answered noncommittally.

“Of course.” Kirk gripped his hands together hard behind his back and dug his fingernails into his palms while his face remained impassive. “Is there anything else I can help you with today?”

“No, sir. Thank you very much for seeing me.”

“Good day then, Mr. Spock.”

“Good day, Captain.”

After the door closed behind Spock, Kirk’s traitorous eyes began to smart. With determination, Kirk rolled them back and forth to keep the stinging tears from flowing. He sucked his breath in sharply through his opened mouth to avoid the emotional display that Spock would have loathed. 

I can control my emotions, he told himself. If Spock can, I can. 

It hit him like an ocean breaker rolling onto the shore at high tide. 

Spock was leaving!

Then Kirk lowered his head and lost his battle with his fickle emotions, mere Earthling that he was.

Spock walked stiffly down the corridor away from Kirk’s quarters with the raw pain in Kirk’s eyes haunting him. Spock thought he had it all figured out, could justify his actions, and could live with his decisions. It was all logical and doable. All, that was, except for the look of disappointment that was on Jim Kirk’s face just now when he realized that Spock would be lost to him forever.

Spock stopped in the empty corridor and frowned as fresh pain stabbed him, stabbed him in a heart that he did not wish to acknowledge that he owned, but owned nonetheless.

 

“What’s wrong, Jim?” McCoy asked. “You aren’t eating.”

Kirk leaned closer so that only McCoy could hear him in the cafeteria. “Now Spock wants to leave so that you can stay here. He said it‘s more important for Earthlings to be together.”

“Stubborn Vulcan!“ McCoy muttered. “Where’s he going?”

“He didn’t ask for a transfer. He’ll be leaving Star Fleet and heading for Vulcan to finish getting rid of his human side.”

“Kolinar,“ McCoy muttered. 

“And I think I’m part of the reason he’s making that decision. I wasn’t very diplomatic with him.”

“Jim, I didn’t intend for you to have to choose sides.”

“I didn’t. He pissed me off.”

“That isn’t good. He needs you.”

“No, he doesn’t. If he does, he has a strange way of showing it. He wants to get rid of me with that damned ceremony. That‘s what it boils down to, doesn‘t it? If he gets rid of his human side, he forgets about me and our friendship. Our adventures. Our identity together.” Kirk frowned. “I don‘t know if he‘s thought this through.”

“Supposedly, he has, with all that meditation.”

“Is that what the meditation is supposed to do? I thought it was to reach a higher state. Sounds more like he just wants to get rid of memories, and us, with it.”

“I’m sure that wasn’t the original purpose of meditation.”

“Kind of what happens, though, isn’t it?” Kirk growled. “Must be nice to hold that kind of threat over the head of anyone in a relationship with you. ‘You better play by my rules,’” he snidely mimicked with sharp twists of his head, “’or I’ll simply erase you from my life.’”

“Jim. Don’t. He needs you,” McCoy repeated.

“I know, I know. I’m a selfish bastard and not thinking of his best interests. But what about me if he leaves?”

“You still have me.”

“And where will you be? At some end of the universe I can’t reach?”

“Oh,” McCoy said with a frown. “I forgot about that.”

“Yeah, everyone’s forgotten about that.” He gave McCoy a hopeful look. “Well, now according to Spock’s logic, you are free to stay.”

McCoy‘s blue eyes flashed. “And what kind of a jerk would that make me?!”

“An intelligent one? A needed one?” He saw McCoy’s disgust. “I’m reaching here, Bones. I’m at my wit’s end.”

McCoy studied the man who was, after all, his friend, his dear, dear friend. A friend who must now be feeling as if he were being eviscerated. “I’m sorry, Jim. I’m sorry you’re caught in the middle of this.”

“Yes, I am, too, and I don’t like it. Look, if I have to go through all this, I think I at least deserve some answers.”

McCoy drew back from Kirk. “And I’m still not giving any.” He stared at Kirk. “I don’t want to, but if you keep insisting on answers, I’ll have to break with you, too.”

Kirk looked stunned. “Has everyone gone crazy around me?!” he muttered.


	7. Chapter 7

“All right, Spock, I want some answers, and I want them now!” Kirk declared as he barreled into Spock’s quarters. “Or I’ll beat them out of you!”

Spock looked up in almost amusement. Had the Earthling gone crazy? Did Kirk think that Spock would allow him to punch away at Spock’s body and not defend himself? He, the possessor of the Vulcan Nerve Pinch? Hadn’t Spock ‘killed’ the Earthling once before during that one period of pon farr? 

But, of course, to be fair, that ‘death’ had been instigated by Dr. McCoy’s drugs and hadn‘t really happened, thankfully. 

“Did you wish to speak with me, Captain?” Spock asked coolly.

“What was your first clue?! Honestly, sometimes I can see McCoy’s point!” 

Spock was further amused as Kirk began pacing an erratic circular path again, only in Spock‘s quarters this time. Surely, exercise such as this had some purpose other than simply to vent off pent-up energy. But Spock did not wish to anger this man, or bring him anymore heartache. Humans could be so hard on themselves with undue emotional pain, but how could they behave any differently?

“Is there a problem, Captain?”

Kirk stopped short and held out his hands. “A problem?! Oh, no, why should there be a problem?!”

“A new problem, perhaps?”

Kirk looked wild-eyed, but did not answer. Spock tilted his head and raised a questioning eyebrow.

“Are you deliberately being dense?!” Kirk demanded.

“Are you?”

Kirk could get him for insubordination, but Spock wasn’t being insubordinate. He was simply being Spock. The Vulcan was applying the only logic he understood in the face of this Earthling’s erratic behavior which amounted to an explosive rant. Even Kirk could see that now, and it calmed him down.

“I wanted to inform you that your efforts are in vain, Mr. Spock.”

“Explain, please?”

“Dr. McCoy refuses to stay.”

Spock frowned. “But, why?”

“It‘s against his principles.”

“That is not logical.”

“It is to him!” Kirk held out his hands and felt his rant returning. “Can’t you understand?! He has principles, too! They may not be your principles, but that doesn’t mean they’re wrong! Logic is one thing, but people have different ways of looking at things. That doesn’t make their viewpoint wrong, just different! Can’t you understand that?!”

“Of course, I can, Captain. I never meant to give the impression that my view was the only way of looking at something.”

“That’s how it comes off, though,” Kirk said, calmer. He looked thoughtful. “I suppose if this has to happen and both of you leave, I’ll have to accept it. Obviously, I can’t stop it. Maybe I’ve learned something valuable here, though. Maybe I’m not always going to win. Just as McCoy said, I’ve played with people’s lives and never fully realized what I was doing. It was a game to me, a battle of wits and power, sometimes nothing more than that. I forgot that it could be their whole existence.“

“You always had right on your side.“

“Thank you for that. I just wish if I had to learn a lesson, though, the stakes hadn’t been this high. I will regret all of this forever.” 

“I am sorry, Jim.“

“I know you are. We all are.“ Kirk pursed his lips. “Spock, I’ve got to know. Now that it’s over, I need to understand. Not as your commanding officer, but as your friend. As both of your friends. I’m hurting. He’s hurting. And somewhere inside you, I know that you must be hurting.”

Spock’s face sobered. “Of course I am hurting.” He laid down the papers he had been reading and stood. “I have, as it is said, a history with you two. Even Vulcans feel loyalty and comradeship and a certain warmth for intimate individuals. These facts cannot be denied.”

“I’m not saying they don’t; I’m just trying to understand.” A pleading look covered Kirk’s face as he leaned forward with a hand extended. “What has caused such an irreversible rift between you two? I have to know. You owe me that much.”

Spock studied Kirk’s bewildered face. “Yes, I suppose I do.” He lowered his head and began his own aimless pacing. “It was like so many other countless times when Dr. McCoy and I were talking. He could not convince me of his viewpoint, lost control, and called me a name.”

Kirk breathlessly watched him, wanting to comment, but afraid that he would silence the Vulcan. 

“What is important,” Spock continued, “is that I did not want to hear him calling me that anymore, and I said as much to him. Then I suppose I just snapped. I believe the expression is that he finally got to me,” Spock said hollowly as he stopped and frowned. “What he said finally hurt.” He lowered his head and began pacing again. “Or I finally let it hurt. Or I finally let him see that it hurt, and I did not want him to know of my vulnerability. I don’t know for sure. Partly I was angry with myself, I think, that it mattered to me that his words hurt.” Spock stopped and finally looked at Kirk again. “And I suppose it was partly because he was the one who said it.”

“Of course, it hurt, Spock,” Kirk said softly. “You thought he was your friend. You trusted him and he let you down. That happens, even between friends. People aren’t perfect. They make stupid mistakes on the spur of the moment and are too proud to apologize. Then they both live a lifetime of regret from then on. But friends forgive friends. They don’t cut them from their lives because they make mistakes. I was pretty rough on you the other day, and you aren’t wanting to put a whole galaxy between us just because of that.”

“That’s because you have never been vicious.”

“He wasn’t, either. He was just in the pattern that you two had established. Have you ever told him before that you didn’t want him to call you those things?”

Spock shook his head.

“He’ll never know unless you tell him. I think I understand what happened now. You two had slipped back into your old ways, and it got out of hand. He was frustrated that he couldn‘t break through your logic. Surely, you can see that much. He must have been pushed too far, though, too. You both lost control. But it was a disagreement. Just a simple disagreement, and it shouldn’t have been anything more. It shouldn’t have caused the end of your friendship. For heavens sake, man, it shouldn’t mean that you should stop liking each other!”

Spock stiffened and he tilted his head back to give Kirk a haughty look. “Captain, I am well aware of the paradigms of friendship.”

“I’ve lost you again, haven’t I? You’ve slipped back into your ironclad platitudes. That can get frustrating as hell, Spock.”

“I realize that. And I realize that I am cheating.”

“Of course, you are. You’re wanting to make all of the rules of friendship, and that isn’t right,” Kirk said delicately. “We Earthlings have to dance to your tune or you won‘t play with us.“ He saw Spock’s puzzled face. “Sorry. It’s the same as saying that you make the rules and we have to let you.“

“But you just said that.“

Kirk held up his hand and shook his head. “I know. I know. We Earthlings like to repeat ourselves, I guess.“ He studied Spock a moment. “But the idea is the same. Right now, I’m being cautious as hell so I don’t mess up with you like McCoy did.”

Spock bent his head. “Dr. McCoy was not the one who 'messed up,'” he said softly.

“What?”

Spock raised his head. Sorrow was on his face. “And his words were not the problem. It was my reaction to his words.”

“What happened?” Kirk studied Spock, then said softly. “Do you trust me enough to tell me? If I ever meant anything to you at all, please, please, tell me. I need to understand.”

Spock brooded as he studied Kirk‘s pleading face, then he slowly nodded his head. “As I said, he called me something, something you have heard him call me hundreds of times, and that was it. I snapped. I grabbed him by his shirt and drew back my fist to strike. He was so startled, I saw that he was not going to defend himself, and power surged through me. This would be my day, my victory.” Spock’s eyes narrowed and satisfaction spread across his face with an evil, calculating smile as he relived the experience. “And I wanted this, oh, I wanted to do this! I wanted to hit him, I wanted to hurt him, I wanted to smear his blood so thin it disappeared. My blood sang with the savageness of my hatred.” He nodded sagely and his eyes glowed. “I saw he would not resist. Revenge would be mine!” 

Kirk was stunned by the hatred and savageness he was hearing and witnessing. Had he ever known this being standing before him? How alien was he, anyway? Was there truly such a difference between Earthlings and Vulcans that their worlds could never be bridged?

The light went out of Spock‘s eyes as he sobered. “Then I saw his fear for himself. But at the same time, I saw him realize that he would have to try to kill me to preserve his own life. I saw his determination to live and also his reluctance to harm me. Me, his friend. Could he do that? Could he harm me to save himself?” He frowned. “I had put him in this position of having to make such a terrible choice. But I had made my choice easily, or so it had seemed.” His frown deepened. “Then it washed over me. I understood his dilemma. How could I do this to someone I knew? Someone I had worked with and fought beside. Someone who had saved my life countless times, someone I had saved from death, someone whose life was more precious to me than my own.” His mouth worked, and at first the words would not come. “Someone whose loss would crush my very soul. Someone whose loss I would grieve for the rest of my days. Someone I would miss forever.” Spock’s face collapsed in grief. “Someone I loved.”

“Spock--”

With sheer willpower, Spock drew himself up, but he could go only so far. Although his face had cleared, his voice was still like ashes. “Vulcans do not know of love, not the way you Earthlings do. But you have taught me about it. You and he. And I would miss it now.” Spock shuddered as he breathed deeply, but he managed to gain more control. “That is why I must rid myself of this curse, this weakness, by returning to Vulcan and finishing the Kolinar ceremony so I will not feel anymore.”

“Spock, it isn’t a shortcoming, this feeling you have for us.”

“To me, it is.”

“It’s alright to love,” Kirk said softly.

“Not for me. I cannot allow myself. But I do, and I know that I do. That is why I must live only for pure thought. It will not harm me, as I know I would be harmed if I remain here.”

“That’s the glory and the agony of love. There’s no guarantees. Look, pure thought shouldn‘t be an end unto itself. It‘s only useful if it is applied.”

“You are indeed wise, James T. Kirk. I respect you greatly. I would follow you anywhere, Kirk, my leader, my T’hy’la. Anywhere, but where this path would lead me. I do not want to suffer like this anymore.”

“McCoy doesn’t want to suffer, either. And he can’t go through a ceremony like you can.”

“That will be his problem. His, what I believed you called it, cross to bear.” He studied Kirk. “You must understand. I wanted him dead. I despised his very being, and I wanted him to cease to exist. I found it difficult to believe that I could harbor such negative feelings about someone who meant so much to me.” His voice softened. “That was when I realized that I had reverted back to the savagery of my ancestors. My true nature had been uncovered. I could not call myself a human being or a Vulcan. I was unworthy to be either. I was less than any feral animal roaming the lowliest planet. At least that animal had dignity, and I had none. And I hated myself in that moment.”

 

McCoy‘s face looked equally stricken when Kirk approached him shortly afterward in McCoy‘s quarters. “I saw his self-loathing, Jim. Not that he was angry enough to hurt someone, but that it was me he was going to hurt. I guess I do mean something to him, after all. It was a hard way to find it out, though. Hard on him as he realized it and the quandary he was suddenly in. Hard on me to have to watch someone betrayed by fickle feelings. He’s suppressed emotions so long he doesn’t know how to deal with them, and it tore him up to try. So he decided to punish himself, and I’ve decided that I’m not going to allow that. I’m not worth it.“

“He obviously thinks you are.“

McCoy shook his head. “And he’s going to keep being hard on himself until I’m out of the picture. I need to protect him from himself. He’ll lose the battle, otherwise. That’s why I’ll go to the far ends of the universe to keep him from that pain again.”

“You’d punish yourself, and the rest of us, for that?” Kirk asked in awe.

McCoy breathed deeply and expelled it. “Yes,” he answered softly. “I promised to do anything I could to protect him. And I’ll keep that promise. It seems a small price to pay for him. He‘s that special.”

“You’re pretty special yourself.“

“Don’t go broadcasting THAT around!“ McCoy grumbled. “I don’t need people thinking I’m an old softie!”

“Some big, bad wolf you are,” Kirk said with a fond smile. “Red Riding Hood should be so lucky to meet you in the woods. You‘d probably adopt her.”

“That, neither!”

“Gonna be hard-assed, huh?” When McCoy tightened his lips and refused to answer, Kirk watched him and finally sighed. “God love you then, you’re a better man than I am. And a better friend.” He studied the man for whom he’d suddenly developed a whole new respect. “When you leave here, where will you go? What will you do?”

“Away. Just away.”

“Come on, Bones, you know better than that. You can’t run AWAY from something! You have to run TO something!”

McCoy’s smile was bitter. “You’re giving me Psych 101? Come on, Jim, you’ve got more that that, don’t you?”

“That’s about it, Bones.” He studied him again. “Going back to Georgia?”

McCoy snorted. “To my daughter’s? Joanna has her own life now with a good career and a growing family. She doesn’t need her old man doddering around the house, tripping her up, causing her problems.” He frowned. “Being a problem.”

“You’d be more than welcome, and you know it.”

“Yeah, I do. She’d be sweet and her family would be supportive. I’d get to do the Grandpa thing. I’d get to go to ballgames and school plays the way I should have done when Joanna was growing up. I was always too busy, though, doing my doctor thing, generally with you somewhere out here in space.”

“You know she wouldn’t hold that against you.”

“I know. Don’t know where she learned it, though. It wasn’t from me, and it certainly wasn’t from her mother.” He smiled wisely. “The state of Georgia might not be so bad, though. I might even meet some jolly, middle-aged lady who’ll decide that I need to be fattened up by feeding me her prize-winning cooking. With good luck, I’ll find some club-footed spinster who’ll be so grateful for my attention that she’ll allow me to raise Shetland ponies in the living room, if I want.” He grinned broadly. “Yes, sir, I could have a good life down in Georgia!” His face clouded. “But if that doesn’t happen, I’ll just be living on dropped crumbs of somebody else’s life.”

“And wishing the hell you were back in space. With me.”

“Jim--”

“Spock will go through Kolinar and will forget us. And you, you’ll just forget.”

“I could never forget,” McCoy said in lifeless tones. “How could I forget what’s in my soul?”

Jim could think of no words that could soften the prospects of such a bleak future.

McCoy, though, having hit rock bottom, seemed to rally. He looked up with sparkling blue eyes. 

Kirk was amazed at the recovery, but he also knew that the change might’ve been caused by sarcasm. The good doctor had a wicked streak of fatalism in his thinking.

“Who knows? I might even come back here.”

“Here?”

“Here. Our little planet. The one that’s caused me so much trouble. Maybe I’m immune to it now. Maybe it’s got nothing else it can level at me.”

“But why here?”

“I liked the inhabitants, remember? The elders who talked to me about their philosophy and did it in a way that wasn’t condescending?”

“You mean, not like a--”

“Yeah. Not like a certain Vulcan we both know. I could lecture in their great universities and write books about their heritage and culture. They aren’t too interested in explaining themselves to the universe, but I could do that for them. We could begin cultural exchanges with intellectuals from other planets, and I could be their emissary, their ambassador, if you will.”

At the word ‘ambassador,’ Kirk’s radar kicked in. It was the career Spock might well pursue in his own future.

Why was McCoy unconsciously plotting a future for himself that well might mirror Spock’s? Or might someday find them at the same conference table?

Kirk frowned to himself. What was this planet, anyway, that it offered us our dreams? Was it the paradise it seemed, or could it be the most unimaginable hell possible?

 

“So that’s it, Scotty. We’re losing both of them, and new people will take their places. As next in the command chain, you had a right to get the official word.”

“Aye, Captain, let’s hope it doesn’t come to that. Let’s hope the lads will still come to their senses.”

“Aptly put, Mr. Scott.”

“The crew knew something was amiss, sir. It was getting hard not to notice. It’s just terrible, terrible, sir. They’re both such bonny lads.”

Kirk nodded curtly. “I know.” Kirk knew that telling Scotty would be difficult, for it would be admitting publicly that there was a problem he couldn’t solve.

“The crew is behind you, sir, and the lads. We think the world of all of you.”

Kirk mentally bit the inside of his cheek. If Scotty didn‘t stop sympathizing with him, he‘d be bawling next. Scotty could be an old woman with his tender heart and soft emotions. “Thanks. We’ve appreciated the support and the dedication to duty from everyone.”

“That’s why this is so difficult for us to see happening. We’ve always thought they belonged to us. Serving on this ship wouldn’t be the same without them. We loved watching their arguments and all the bickering they’ve always done. We thought it was just their way of expressing their caring for each other.”

“It is, Scotty.” Kirk couldn’t keep the frustration out of his voice. “I can see that. You can see that. The rest of the crew can see it, too. Why don’t those two realize it?”

“Everyone understood what was really going on, except them. It was part of their charm. We expected it. We knew what was coming. Dr. McCoy would be snappish and frustrated, and Mr. Spock would be aloof and talking down to him. They sounded like the biggest opponents in the universe. Yet they were always together, always backing each other up, always protecting each other.”

Kirk frowned in thought. “Yes, they were, weren’t they?”

“I can’t tell much about Mr. Spock, but Dr. McCoy seems to be doing his job automatically. I’ve heard that he still upholds regulations, but has let his own personal requirements slip. His heart just doesn’t seem to be in his work, and that’s always been so important to him. Mr. Spock has rearranged the lab, and I understand that Dr. McCoy hasn’t even noticed. And Mr. Spock, well, he just doesn‘t even talk to anybody. I hope you can still reach him, sir.”

“Barely.“ Kirk thought back. He hadn’t seen either of them socially for a long time. Meals were still quiet, fast affairs with Kirk grabbing whatever was handy. Kirk hadn‘t had much of an appetite lately and might even have missed some meals. That might account for his run down feeling and a case of the sniffles that wouldn’t go away. Next, he’d be in sickbay for malnutrition. He‘d probably even lost a few pounds which would‘ve pleased McCoy, if McCoy still cared about Kirk‘s diet. 

“And now nothing seems right, sir. The rhythm of the ship is off. I swear the engines don’t even feel right. It’s like the Enterprise herself is sad for them.”

Kirk gave him a lazy smile. “You’ve got poetry in your soul, Scotty.”

“It’s not just the ship, Captain,” Scotty said with his heart in his eyes. “The crew is sad, too. I guess we're all upset, and a quiet has settled on us. We’ve lost our joy, sir. We’ve lost our joy,” he repeated, then he rallied and his eyes snapped with their old fire. “And we don’t like it, sir! Not one bit!”

Kirk’s smile was sad itself and shaded with tears. “I know,” he whispered. “Frustrating as hell, isn’t it?”


	8. Chapter 8

The door to Kirk’s quarters whished open and McCoy stepped inside. When he looked up and saw Spock staring back at him, the doctor turned to leave.

“I’ll come back later for my transfer papers. You said they‘d be ready.”

“Come in, come in, Doctor McCoy,” Kirk said. “You did not make a mistake. I asked you both here at the same time.”

“Is that really wise?” McCoy muttered as he unconsciously took his usual place at Spock’s side. 

Kirk felt a stab when he saw them standing there together. How long would he be able to see that? 

“Wisdom might have flown out the window a long time ago, Doctor,” Kirk mumbled. “I know common sense has.”

Spock and McCoy stirred. They sensed the anger that Kirk seemed to be trying very hard to contain. They felt a little defensive, in spite of themselves.

“Well, gentlemen,“ Kirk began, “we seem to have found ourselves at quite an impasse. Both of you are wanting to race off blithely to opposite ends of the universe leaving the rest of us to sweep up after your passing. I don’t like that scenario for myself one bit. Generally, I’m the one charging ahead and everyone else follows.“ He glared at them to dare challenge his statement.

"Do we have to go through this all again, Jim?"

“Yes, we do. This is a helluva mess you’ve stirred up. I don’t suppose that either one of you has considered how this would affect the Enterprise.”

“Well, of course, Jim, I appreciate the trouble this will cause you, but you must realize that the situation has become impossible for me--”

“Just a minute, Bones. You’ve had your chance to state your position, now it’s my turn.” He glanced at each of them. “Have you considered the chaos all of this will create on the Enterprise? Hmm?” Silence. He studied each of them. “Well?”

McCoy was the first to cave. “I know you’re used to working with me, Jim. I know it’ll be different with someone else at my post.”

“That’s right, Bones.” Kirk walked back and forth in front of them. “We three are a well-oiled machine. We’ve worked around each other long enough we can anticipate how the other two will react and proceed. No surprises from the other guy is great when I’m trying to get as much in my favor as I can. I want, I NEED, to be able to trust who’s got my back. I believe that both of you can understand that.”

“Yes.”

“Of course, Captain.”

“Good. And you can appreciate the time it would take to establish a new routine, a new LIFE, if you will, with different members of a new team.”

“Of course, Captain.”

“Well, sure, Jim, but--”

Kirk, holding up his hand, stopped and stared hard at them. “That said, I suppose you don’t care one iota what this will do to me on a personal basis.”

McCoy rolled his eyes. “I didn’t expect you to play the friendship card, Jim.”

Kirk saw Spock take a deep breath and glance ever so slightly upward. The Vulcan might as well have shouted his agreement with McCoy.

“Surely you know me better than that by now, gentlemen. You know that I’m brash enough to try anything, just so I win.”

“Yes, but your sense of right and wrong keeps you being fair, even to your adversaries,” McCoy answered. “You always give them a fair shake.”

Kirk could see Spock‘s puzzlement and figured he was picturing Kirk politely shaking hands with an enemy before engaging in battle. Spock probably wondered why Kirk would even take the time to perform such an illogical ritual. “Most times, my adversaries have very good reasons for their actions,” Kirk continued. “Their agendas just happen to be different from mine. But sometimes they want results that would be counter-productive or even harmful to others, and I have to correct that.”

“That sense of justness,” McCoy mumbled. 

“Don’t criticize. You’ve got it, too. Both of you do.”

“Not to the degree that you do.”

“Perhaps, Bones. But it’s what drew me to both of you. I recognized myself in you. Spock, don’t frown at me like that. I can see things in you that you won’t permit yourself to see.”

“You could always see the bigger picture,” McCoy admitted.

“Yes!” Kirk agreed.

“And the consequences.”

“Yes!” Kirk had quickened his pace. “Yes! Thank you! Gentlemen, it’s like a giant chess game, but I’m playing with real, thinking beings instead of game pieces on a board. Winning is great, but the playing! Ah, gentlemen, the playing! It’s fun, gentlemen! It’s fun!”

“Not when you’re playing with the lives of those beings,” McCoy interrupted. "I've said it before, Jim. That's wrong."

“Don’t say I’m frivolous!”

“I think what the doctor meant was that life is more than a game,” Spock explained as he spoke at last.

“I know that, Mr. Spock!” Kirk turned on the Vulcan. “But do you?”

Spock broke his rigid pose and looked at Kirk. “Sir?”

“Do you consider life in all its silly, messy, meaningless meanderings, or do you try to fit life into neat and tidy slots?”

“I think what Spock meant was--”

“Do not try to justify him to me, Doctor! If he’s going to be around Earthlings and work with us, he can’t stand back and smugly judge us as if he was some kind of superior being! And it isn‘t any solution for him to run away and hide from the problem like he‘s planning on doing. That doesn‘t advance anyone’s knowledge of the universe or understanding of others or self. He‘s defeating his own supposed purpose, too. What‘s he going to do? Scrap everything? To be replaced by, what? Nothing? Amounting to a life wasted? He‘s meant for more than that, and we both know it. Even if he thinks he can walk away from it all without a backward glance.”

“Jim! He’s doing as well as he can! His culture isn’t like ours! His very physiognomy tells us that much! He was raised to appreciate different goals and attributes than ours! We have to give him time.”

“We’ve given him that time, Doctor McCoy,” Kirk declared. “And still we haven’t done enough.” He stopped in front of McCoy. “Quite the apologist for his way of thinking, aren’t you?” he demanded as he narrowed his eyes at McCoy.

“Well, I-- Somebody has to be, I suppose.”

“Then why don’t you support him more?!” Kirk demanded in McCoy’s face. “You’re constantly deriding him about his differences. You could be a little more understanding and helpful.”

“He is, Captain,” Spock interrupted. “I realize that, yes, he takes a pervasive pleasure out of needling me, but I know he’s only trying to help me.”

Kirk turned to Spock. “Help?! You call that helping you?!”

“Some people might,” Spock affirmed.

“And you! You could come down off your high and mighty mountain and stop holding this over our heads! Going into a snit anytime you don’t get your way and threatening to run back to Vulcan with all your feathers ruffled! That’s emotional blackmail, Spock! Stop jerking us around!”

The statement was so filled with idioms that Spock dropped his mouth open in confusion and could not answer.

But McCoy understood it. “Jim! That’s hardly fair!”

“No, it isn’t, Bones,” Kirk said as he shifted his attention back to McCoy. “But life isn’t fair, either. Not when someone holds the alien card and threatens to play it.”

McCoy opened his mouth to retort, but Kirk was suddenly inches from his face.

“And, you! You’re hardly a hero by hiding behind your profession.”

“I’m a doctor, not a-- Well, I don’t know what I’m not, but I‘m not it.”

“Doesn’t surprise me.” Kirk got an evil grin as he backed away from McCoy. “Dodging responsibility again?”

“Captain! I protest! You are attacking him unjustly!” Anger seemed to be snapping in Spock’s dark eyes. “That is unethical! And so unlike you! He is doing the best he can! You should feel privileged that he has chosen to serve on your crew!” 

Kirk rounded on Spock with the same victorious smile. Kirk could see Spock‘s intense anger. “What’s this, Mr. Spock? Genuine emotion? And for someone else? Because I am being unfair to him? What comes next? Punches?” He saw Spock bite his lips together. “Want to hit me? Hmm?” He stepped closer to the Vulcan. “Here’s my jaw. Want to take a crack at it? Better take a good shot, though, ‘cause there won‘t be a second chance. You could haul off and hit me now with a sucker punch, but don’t try the second. After one, I‘ll hit back.” His smile was vicious. “Or are you just too ‘principled’ to prove yourself?”

Spock drew his breath in sharply.

“Jim! Stop! You can’t do that to Spock! You know it’s wrong to bait a Vulcan. He can’t have his emotions inflamed. It’s physically injurious to him.”

“I know, Bones,” Kirk said in a calmer voice and manner as he drew back from Spock. “And I also know that I’m fighting for my ship and my life here. You may not realize it, but this mess of yours really has me upset and I’m feeling rather physically ill. You two seem to have forgotten about how this could affect other people, especially me.”

“I’m sorry, Jim.”

“Me, too, Captain.”

“Come on, guys. What will it take for you two to make up?” he pleaded. He saw the two combatants stiffen. “Lighten up, will you? You’ve made this whole mess so melodramatic that it’s like watching ham actors chewing the scenery in a really, really bad play.“ Kirk shook his head once with a mirthless, ironic smile on his face.

“Sorry if we appear so humorous to you,“ McCoy grumbled.

“I didn’t say that you’re humorous. Far from it. It’s one of the most pathetic, most gut-wrenching things I’ve ever witnessed. I know what it means to each of you, though. I know it hurts.“ Then he smiled softly. “I also know that you’re doing it again.” 

McCoy and Spock broke their wooden stances and looked at him, puzzled.

“Doing what again, Jim?” McCoy asked.

“Something you didn’t even realize you’ve been doing. Something Scotty said reminded me of it, and I knew he was right.”

Their puzzlement deepened.

“You’ve been protecting each other.“ He held up a hand as they started to protest. “Let me explain. I attacked you just now, and, yes, I was sneaky and played the friendship card. And you had every right to defend yourselves. But did you defend yourselves? No! Yes, I know you protested. But, no, you didn’t defend yourselves. You defended each other.” He paused as they looked startled and processed the information. “I’ll make that clearer in case you missed it, gentlemen. You. De. Fend. Ed. Each. Oth. Er.”

McCoy and Spock shuffled self-consciously and tried not to look at each other. 

“And this thing,” Kirk continued, “this thing that happened between you two, you’ll do anything to keep it from happening again. Even to a self-imposed banishment for yourselves into a nightmare of eternal loneliness. Because you don’t want the other guy put in the terrible position again of having to choose his own life or yours. It has both of you worried and scared. But not for yourselves.” He stared at them hard. “For. Each. Oth. Er.” He relaxed. “Are you starting to see a pattern here, guys?”

Spock and McCoy shifted uneasily, but didn’t answer.

“In talking to you both, the worst thing I heard was that you wanted the other guy dead. Really dead. As in, ceasing to exist, dead. No wonder it scared you. It would me, if I got that stirred up. But, in spite of the anger, you guys aren’t that unique.”

Spock and McCoy stared hard at him.

“We’ve all had those thoughts, gentlemen. There are days I could have killed either, or both, of you. Gladly. Easily. Without a second thought. With a lifetime of hard labor without parole as my punishment, followed by eternal damnation. And served it all with a smile on my face. I was that pissed off at you. But I didn’t. I let you live. And the next day I was glad I hadn’t killed you, because I liked having you around again. I think that’s what happened to you guys. It got out of hand and you didn't know how to stop it. Well, I'm stopping it.”

“But I wanted him dead,” Spock said in sorrow.

“I know you did. That’s why you have to learn to control your emotions, not plan to eradicate them completely. They are what makes you you. Emotions are what makes Dr. McCoy the way he is.”

“You are not making emotions sound all that desirable, Captain.”

At any other time Kirk would have had to bite the inside of his mouth to keep from laughing at Spock’s irony that came off now as unconscious humor.

“Perhaps not, but you’ve got to admit that they do make life a lot more interesting. Isn’t that right, Doctor McCoy?” Jim wanted Bones in on this conversation, but the doctor had become uncharacteristically quiet.

“You’re doing just fine, Jim. I couldn’t have made a better argument. Mr. Spock is intelligent enough to know when he hears good logic. Isn‘t that right, Mr. Spock?” He smiled tentatively at Spock who slightly raised an eyebrow. “You know, Jim has accused me of using logic. And I think that all three of us just now saw you get rather emotional. And it was for me. Me! I am honored, sir. Very honored. Just remember to ease yourself into emotions so you don‘t get hurt by using them.”

Kirk smiled to himself. Ever the doctor concerned for his patient. Kirk sensed that there had been a shift in at least McCoy‘s thinking. 

Now for the next part. Kirk breathed deeply. He hoped he chose his words carefully.

“Speaking of emotions, I think I know what caused Spock to snap.”

Spock and McCoy looked at Kirk with interest.

“The allergies from the planet weakened more than Spock’s physical resistance. They also affected him emotionally.”

McCoy frowned. “He was in sickbay for days, and I had plenty of opportunity to stir him up. But I didn’t even seem to faze him.”

“You were babying him like he was an orphaned kitten you’d rescued from a hail storm! Nobody could touch him, not even his Captain.”

“You were rather protective, Doctor McCoy.”

“Well, shoot me for doing my job,” McCoy grumbled.

Spock raised an eyebrow. “I rather enjoyed the pampering.”

“Don’t expect it next time.”

Kirk tried not to let them see his look of joy. There would be a next time!

Hopefully.

If he got said what had to be said, and if there still were a next time.

“But what made him snap, Jim? You said you think you know what caused it.”

Kirk breathed deeply. Here it goes.

“You remember that we didn’t allow Spock to return to the planet because we didn’t want him to get exposed to the contaminants again?”

“Yes.”

“That means that they had to have been brought to him.”

“But, how? Nobody was allowed--” Understanding swept across McCoy’s face, and he looked stricken. “I did it! I was the one! When I came back from the bar, I checked on him. I didn’t decontaminate myself and I re-infected him!”

Kirk nodded. “Contaminants were probably on your clothing. Exposure wasn’t as high or as long as when he was on the planet, but it was enough to make him snap when he got angry.”

“The day after I dismissed him from sickbay,” McCoy said in hollow tones. 

At least now Kirk learned when the incident had happened between them.

“I think Mr. Spock wasn’t the only one affected,” Kirk theorized. “I think we Earthlings reacted, also. When we were on the planet and getting full doses, we were euphoric. But low doses caused opposite effects of temper and chaos. It would explain a lot of the behavior that plagued this ship for a few days. Originally, I thought the rest of the crew and myself were reacting to the bad vibes coming from you two. I guess I shouldn’t try blaming everything on you guys, though, especially the Great Soda Cracker Crisis. It was bedlam around here for awhile, with no logical explanation for the erratic behavior from generally sane acting people.“ 

McCoy‘s face looked haunted. “Then the effects of the contaminants wore off naturally and people returned to normal, even Spock and me.” He frowned. “After it was too late, after we‘d--” He turned to Spock. “Spock, I’m sorry. I’m sorry that I was the one who put you through this mess.”

“You did not know, Doctor. It was an honest mistake.”

“But I broke the most important part of my oath. ‘First, do no harm.’”

“But you have always maintained a higher principle: To thyself be true.”

“You’re being easier on me than I am.”

“Well, someone has to protect you, I suppose, and I am willing to do that.”

McCoy looked at Spock and nodded. “Thank you. I’ll try to do likewise.”

“You already do.”

McCoy nodded again. “Thank you,” he whispered.

Kirk studied the fragile peace between his friends. “I think that neither one of you really wants this split to happen. You really don’t want to lose each other.”

It was like breaking a spell. McCoy grimaced. Spock stiffened and looked away.

Kirk cursed himself. Why hadn’t he kept his mouth shut and let them handle it? He’d interfered once before, and look what had happened.

“Let’s not get sticky about this,” McCoy said gruffly.

Kirk wouldn‘t give up trying, though. It wasn‘t in his nature to do that. He took a deep breath and plowed ahead. “I agree. I think you both need to remember that something bad could happen between you, and you need to work on controlling the consequences. Because things can happen if vigilance isn’t maintained. Even archangels have been kicked out of Heaven for misbehaving.”

McCoy gave him a lazy smile. “Well, now you’ve gone too far. Not even Spock would place himself in the category of archangels.“

Spock changed his position slightly, but made no comment.

“Now, me, on the other hand--”

Spock shot him a look, but remained silent.

“And, gentlemen, I have to apologize for my part in all this,” Kirk started.

Spock and McCoy gave him puzzled looks.

“Bones, remember the night at the planet’s bar?”

McCoy shrugged. “Vaguely.”

“I asked you to try to get along better with Spock.”

“Oh, yeah, I do remember that now. That’s partly why I was checking on Spock, that and doing my doctor thing.” 

“I should’ve kept my nose out of your business. It’s part of what went wrong.”

“You were just doing your captain thing,” McCoy mumbled.

“And my friendship thing. I hope.”

“Sounds like we all got our timing messed up. We’d better keep our day jobs and forget about show biz. I understand that timing is everything,” McCoy mused.

“And now? Is our timing right now?” Kirk asked hopefully.

McCoy winked at him. “Let‘s find out.” He turned toward Spock with a smile. “Well, I guess it’s up to an old Southern gentleman to propose peace. What do you say, Spock? How’s about a truce and we’ll bury the hatchet? I know I’m tired of all of this intense drama, and Jim looks like he could use some rest from all this peacemaking. I’m willing to try if you are. What do you say, you green blooded--” He stopped. “--ah--” Frowned. “--pointy-eared--” He looked aghast at what he was saying and dropped his head. Regret crossed his face and he turned away. “I’m sorry, I can’t do this."


	9. Chapter 9

“Bones?”

“I can’t. I can’t hurt him anymore.”

“Trust him, Bones.” 

“Don’t you see how easily I slipped back?”

“Trust yourself.”

McCoy shook his head in sorrow. 

Kirk stared at Spock as if to say that the ball was in his court. Kirk could do no more. Spock’s eyes widened in understanding. Some idioms needed no translation. Some looks said everything. He was being forced to go out of his comfort zone and make the next move. He knew that Kirk could see his doubt and reluctance. He also knew that Kirk wasn’t going to help him. And it was very important to Spock to keep Kirk’s respect.

“I believe we are at a crossroads, Doctor,” Spock said at last. “What you would call a stalemate.”

McCoy stirred himself. “It appears that way,” he muttered.

“Then what are we going to do about it--” Spock glanced at Kirk, then back to McCoy. “--you red-blooded Earthling?”

McCoy forgot the delicacy of the situation and just reacted. “That’s no slur! I AM a red-blooded Earthling!”

“And I am a green-blooded Vulcan. That will not change. And my ears will remain pointed while yours will stay rounded. That will not change, either. And we will not always understand each other‘s viewpoint or way of thinking. Some truths are universal, and that is the truth about you and me. There will always be physical and philosophical differences between us.” He stared hard at McCoy. “But we can co-exist. And learn from each other. And accept. And even be comfortable with each other.”

McCoy returned the hard stare. “You know I don’t intend to demean you. I just get so frustrated--”

“I know. And from now on, maybe I’ll use my term for you when I get frustrated with you so you will know that you are going too far.”

“The red-blooded Earthling thing?”

“Yes.”

“Alright,” McCoy drawled slowly, then stared at Spock hard again and frowned. “You get frustrated with me?”

“Of course, I do. You can be very stubborn and that frustrates me. Maybe I will start letting you know that, too.”

“It would clear the air.” McCoy breathed deeply to get the courage to say something. “You know, sometimes talking to you is like talking to a piece of mute furniture. I get the same response.” He shrugged. “Well, I guess a piece of furniture would make a noise if I bumped into it. And you, well, you just look down that long nose of yours and don‘t answer.”

“That is not very nice of me. I should at least acknowledge your presence instead of ignoring you. I will try to correct that, even if you do frustrate me.”

“It’d help.“ McCoy‘s frown deepened. “You’d let your guard down with your emotions? Will that be harmful to you?”

“Not if I watch it. And you help me.“

They nodded solemnly at each other.

“Besides, I understand that if certain Earthlings do not let go of their emotions, they can develop ulcers. I would not want that to happen to my human side.”

“That’s true.”

“I trust that you will always guard my health. As you always have. It is very reassuring.”

The obvious praise unsettled the doctor. He voiced the first thought to pop into his head. “Ridiculous calling me a red-blooded Earthling,” he muttered. “You were really reaching there. It was no slur.”

Spock raised an eyebrow. “Perhaps it is.”

McCoy frowned.

“On Vulcan,” Spock finished.

McCoy’s eyes widened and softened. He allowed a small smile to tug at his lips. “Perhaps it is. Perhaps it is something we can correct.”

“Or learn to tolerate.”

“Or accept it for what it is,” McCoy suggested.

Spoke raised an eyebrow.

“Or isn’t,” McCoy finished.

“Agreed,” Spock said.

“But there is still the matter of my transfer papers.” McCoy looked at Kirk.

“Oh, yes, I forgot.” Kirk shuffled the papers. “There is that small matter.”

“Captain, if I may be so bold.”

“Yes, Mr. Spock?”

“As First Officer, I checked those papers. And I believe that I saw a possible small flaw in them.”

“A small flaw?” Kirk glanced at McCoy who looked puzzled, too. “I see.” Kirk handed the papers to Spock. “And might you point out this ‘small flaw’ that escaped the notice of both Doctor McCoy and myself?”

“Gladly.” Spock picked up the papers, glanced at them, then ripped them from the top halfway down the page, then offered them back. “They appear to be damaged, sir.”

McCoy grabbed the papers, studied them, then tore the papers completely in two. “Oops!” He looked up with a fake self-conscious grin. “I’ll be damned. You’re right. They are flawed.” He crumpled the papers and threw them in the waste can, then stared hard at Spock. “I can always make another copy, you know.”

“If that is what you wish, I will even help you push the print button.”

McCoy frowned.

“But I would rather not, Doctor. I would rather we did not ever make a second copy.”

McCoy relaxed. “Agreed.”

“That would make me happy.”

“It’d make me happy, too, Spock.”

“No, you do not understand. I need to tell you something.” He glanced at Kirk. “Both of you.”

McCoy sensed that it was major. “If you think you must,“ he mumbled.

“I must.”

“Then proceed, Mr. Spock,” Kirk encouraged. “What do you have to tell us?”

“I have been unhappy.”

“I know. We all have. That’s why I tried to get the two of you to talk together.”

“No, I need to explain, Jim. What I considered a weakness of Earthlings, this need for happiness, has become most desirable for me to experience. I now know it is what gives me my greatest feeling of contentment. And I get it from you two. If you are happy, then I am happy. And it follows that if you are sad, then I not only feel your sadness, I am sad, too.”

Kirk smiled indulgently. “That’s called empathy.” 

“I know. Strange. I always thought I would hate it and would want to rid myself of it. But now I find that I can not only tolerate it, I welcome it.”

McCoy’s eyes were shiny. “That’s all I’ve ever wanted for you, to be concerned for others. Because when you have that, then all the rest of it falls into place.“

“It’s what stopped the fight between you two,” Kirk explained. “You understood what the other guy was feeling, and that became more important than yourselves. You wanted to protect each other. It‘s what made both of you volunteer to leave so the other one could stay.” 

“Well, now that that’s settled, I’m going to get some work done,” McCoy declared. “That is, if I can find the lab back. Chapel tells me you did some changing things around.”

“I think you will find the new arrangement much improved, Doctor.”

McCoy‘s eyes flashed with blue fire. “I’ll be the judge of that, you pointed-eared--” His gruff voice died in his throat as he looked startled at how quickly he’d reverted back to his old habits. “Spock, I’m so sorry,” he softly whispered.

Kirk thought of an appropriate expletive, one of McCoy's best. Just when things were smoothing out.

“My ears are pointed, Doctor.”

McCoy blinked at the Vulcan’s deadpan face. He felt off-balance and did not know if he liked being the straight man in this conversation. “That they are, Mr. Spock,” he agreed, curiously wondering where this dialogue would lead them.

“If you feel that you need to point that fact out, though, I will not mind.”

This time the smile made it all the way to McCoy’s lips. He recognized a lead-in when he heard one. Spock was going to be straight man, after all. “There you went and took the fun out of it.” The grumble did not match his mellow smile, then he sobered. “Spock, I promise that I‘ll try to do better in the future, to watch what I say to you, to be more polite--”

“And might I say that if you go pussyfooting around me like that, Doctor, I will be compelled to kick you in the slats?”

Kirk and McCoy stared at the alien with the placid look on his face.

“Did I get the idioms correct, gentlemen?”

Kirk grinned. “They‘ll do, Mr. Spock. You got your meaning across very nicely.”

“Thank you, Captain.”

“I’m just curious.” Kirk tilted his head. “Where did you ever hear something like that? It wasn‘t from either one of us, surely.”

“I am not always with you gentlemen. I talk with other members of the crew. They share your speech patterns with me. And some of them have shared my confusion of your idioms. Some of them have not grown up using your language, either, as I have not.“

Kirk and McCoy smiled at each other as the same names crossed their minds: Chekov, Sulu, Uhura, even Scotty at times.

“But there are other ways I learn from you,” Spock continued. “Your reading material can be very informational.” He glanced at McCoy. “And, educational.”

Kirk was puzzled. McCoy had actually blushed at Spock‘s words, and McCoy didn‘t blush that easily.

“I might want to read more,” Spock continued. “And I might want to discuss philosophically the ideas contained within that reading material. Would you be willing to evaluate such concepts with me as they present themselves, Doctor?”

McCoy was thunderstruck. “You mean, you actually want to continue--” His words trailed away.

“With our old relationship?” Spock questioned. “Yes. If that is agreeable to you.”

“Well, yes, of course. Of course, it is.” McCoy acted as if he were afraid to breathe for fear of ruining the moment. “That is very agreeable.”

Kirk saw Spock shoot a glance at him before returning his eyes to McCoy. Kirk could have sworn he saw Spock wink at him, but he must’ve been mistaken.

“Doctor, in regard to our relationship,” Spock said, very much in charge of the moment. “May I say that I have missed it?” 

“Well, I have, too,“ McCoy mumbled, once again feeling unbalanced and not knowing the direction their conversation would be taking.

“I have missed it very much,“ Spock repeated. “And I have missed you, too, Doctor.”

Kirk heard McCoy gasp and saw his smile disappear to be replaced by a look of pure pleasure. There was no mistaking what Spock was saying. But he had left himself wide open. He was vulnerable, and McCoy could pounce. He’d have to. He’d have to cover his own embarrassment with sarcasm. Even though it was what McCoy most wanted to hear from Spock, he wouldn’t be able to return the blatant words. 

Kirk braced himself for McCoy’s barb. It would be almost too easy. 

And then Kirk got a surprise.

“And I’ve missed you, too, Mr. Spock.” He let out a tired breath. “Let‘s just not do this anymore, okay? I don‘t think I could take all this angst again.” He gave Spock a lazy smile. “But if you’re going to go and get all sticky about it--”

“Sometimes, it appears, it is necessary for Earthlings ‘to get all sticky about it.’” Spock’s brown eyes warmed. “Sometimes it is necessary for Vulcans, too,” he said softly.

“Definitely sticky,” McCoy grumbled, then cleared his throat. 

“Doctor, a moment ago, you said that my empathy for Earthlings was what you wanted most for me.”

“Yes?”

“Then what do you want from me?”

“I‘ve got it now,” he answered softly. “Now you’re only putting frosting on the cake.”

Spock gave McCoy a deadpan stare, then finally raised an eyebrow. “Now who is getting all sticky?”

“If it gets any deeper in here,” McCoy growled, “our captain will need hip boots.” 

“Deeper?” Spock inquired. “With what?”

McCoy winked at Kirk. “You don’t want to know, Spock. Believe me, you don’t want to know.”

“Doctor McCoy, may I say that I realize how very intelligent you are. Otherwise, I would not bother to correct your way of using that intelligence. I admire you greatly.”

McCoy felt embarrassed for the Vulcan and jumped in to defend him. “Spock, you don’t have to say that.”

“Yes, I do. It is important for both of us.”

The weight of the words overwhelmed McCoy. “Spock, I don’t know what to say.”

Spock turned to Kirk. “Now, there is a first,” he said with a perfectly straight face.

Kirk laughed. So did McCoy. It wasn’t so bad being straight man, after all, McCoy decided.

“May I say something else?” Spock interjected, as if suddenly remembering. “Something I learned?”

McCoy gave him a quizzical look. “A regular little chatterbox once you get started, aren’t you?”

Kirk flinched. Now, McCoy decides to jump in with an appropriate barb? 

“I am sorry, Doctor, but I have been forced to keep my opinions to myself for a number of days. I have not had the benefit of voicing them to a receptive audience, no matter how unenlightened.”

Kirk flinched again. Would McCoy stand for that slur?

“Then, fire away, Mr. Spock,” McCoy offered with a gallant swish of his hand and sounding very much like the old McCoy. “Captain Kirk and I are all ears.”

“I have come to realize that discussing philosophy sometimes is not as important as implementing it. The people of this planet have wonderful viewpoints, but they miss the importance of all their knowledge. It is not practical until it is applied for the benefit of all. Their youth face unnecessary pain. The belief that the situation will correct itself in time in a natural way is true, but flawed. Why should a segment of their society, or anyone, have to undergo such stress when it could be alleviated? I thought that the exchanges of ideas could be an end unto itself. But ideas need to be tempered with humaneness to be of a practical use. While on the planet, all I wanted was discussion. After I returned to the ship and was away from the influence of the planet and its elders, I gradually understood the flaws of their philosophy. But we could learn from them, even if it is not what to do.”

“We can’t miss this opportunity to learn, though, Spock. Talking is useful. But unless there are principles to form a foundation, that is all it is: talking. Think of the larger picture here, the higher goal. Ideals cannot be ignored or forgotten in the face of the mundane and the everyday. These beings need their governing rules, or chaos will ensue.“

Kirk mentally shook his head. McCoy was arguing philosophically and Spock was stating the emotional side? What next? Jack rabbits will breed with kangaroos simply because they can both hop?

“But we must still try to reach them, Doctor. The biggest problem is how we reacted to their environment. We would have to create inoculations to protect our bodies from adverse reactions. We have to remember that, here, we are the aliens, and we have to adapt ourselves to their world, not the other way around.”

“I’m having trouble understanding all this.“

“That is because you cannot see beyond the principles.“

Kirk cringed for McCoy’s retort. The doctor surely wouldn’t let that statement pass without some biting comment.

“So I couldn’t have been an ambassador,” he said in disappointment.

“Not until you learn more empathy.“

Kirk closed his eyes and waited. But McCoy’s cutting comment never came.

“Your aim was sincere, Doctor, but your methods need to be tempered with humanity.”

McCoy blinked. “You’re saying that I need to be more emotional? Me?!”

“It would appear that way, Doctor.”

Surely now.

“I’ll be damned,” McCoy mumbled in awe.

Kirk relaxed and hoped that the next thing he wanted to say wouldn‘t threaten the easy peace in the room. His record had not been exactly stellar lately. The other two guys were doing an excellent job of expressing themselves, and the negotiations were progressing nicely. But certain other things had to be said, also. Kirk hoped for guidance with his tongue. “Gentlemen, a thought.”

They looked at him as if suddenly remembering his presence.

“Bones, you once likened the native inhabitants of this planet to the Lotus Eaters in the Odyssey and how apathy caused them not to see the problems of their society.”

“Ah, most astute, Doctor,” Spock commented, and McCoy tried to look humble.

Kirk didn’t know if he liked the mutual admiration society currently in his midst. A part of him missed the old Spock and the old McCoy and the bickering between them. But if this was what it took for peaceful co-existence, though, then he could accept it. But it wouldn’t be as entertaining, he realized.

“The planet was to us as we wanted, or needed, it to be,” Kirk continued. “The Lotus Eaters of the Odyssey were affected by taste, but it was the smell of the flowers that got to us. The olfactory stimulus made us think that we were in a paradise and that we didn’t need to try to change the world. Why would we want to change perfection? That’s the flaw with the thinking of the elders, too, but it had been a part of their culture for so long that everyone accepted it, even the troubled juveniles. That was the way it had always been. Nobody‘s ever pointed out that traditions can change.”

“Maybe I could come back here then as an ambassador, after all,” McCoy said hopefully. “Now that we understand the basic problems, we can help them to make changes.” He glanced at Spock. “After I learn a little more empathy, I guess.”

“Maybe when you retire from Star Fleet,” Kirk said quickly. “A long time from now. A long, LONG time from now.” 

Spock nodded.

“In the meanwhile, it’s time to get back to normal.” McCoy thought, then grumbled, “Whatever in the hell that is around here.“ 

"Yes, gentlemen, it is," Kirk agreed. "We have been ordered on an escort mission. I'll brief you both later. And might I add, I will find it highly pleasurable to be serving with both of you again," he said with a grateful smile.

"Our pleasure, too, Jim. Right, Spock?" he asked with the first peaceful look on his face that Kirk had seen from McCoy in days.

"Indeed," Spock agreed.

It was harder to tell with Spock about his reaction to staying aboard the Enterprise, but he seemed to be more contented. Kirk had a hunch that Spock liked being around his erratic Earthling shipmates just fine and was now happy he could continue to do so. Spock had even made an effort to express himself along those lines so that Kirk could notice and appreciate what Spock was doing. Kirk remembered what was most certainly a wink from Spock when Spock was dealing with McCoy.

"Gentlemen," Kirk said, looking from one to the other. "If you will excuse me? I have some work calling to me, and I expect that you do, too."

McCoy gave Spock a jaded look. "Spock, I believe that we are being shown the door. And rather unceremoniously, I might add. He's starting to take us for granted already."

"Never, gentlemen," Kirk answered. "I just think we'll all be relieved to get back in the saddle again."

"That's another not so subtle hint for us to haul ass and get back to our jobs, Mr. Spock."

“I will walk along with you, Doctor. There are some matters I wish to discuss with you anyway.”

McCoy slapped Spock on the shoulder. "Come on then, Mr. Spock. Let's go. I want to take a look at that lab. I have a feeling that it might be okay, after all."

"I think you will find that it is, Doctor."

"Do you have any other ideas about sickbay that might interest me?" McCoy questioned.

"Well, there's always--"

The door whished shut behind them, and their voices echoed down the hallway. Kirk had been long forgotten by both of them.

So busy had they been with each other, they had not seen Kirk's look of astonishment. Perhaps he was astounded by the effects of the planet's flowers that had sweetened McCoy's disposition, had inspired Spock to plea for the common man, and had reversed their philosophical viewpoints.

Perhaps the look on Kirk's face was simply because his quarreling friends were back together.

Amazing as those developments were, however, Kirk looked stunned because of something else.

Kirk let his breath out cautiously as though he was afraid he would break some spell, then a big smile spread across his face. It had worked! He, the King of the Bluff, had succeeded again! He'd gambled that his acting angry about them would unbalance them, and it had. He’d made them pull together in common defense. And it had worked. Gloriously! 

Ah, gentlemen! The chess game! The ever intriguing chess game! It’s all in the playing! And I am the master player!

Kirk was puzzled why it had worked, though. The other two had seen Kirk pull similar cons like the wily, old carnival barker he could be. Surely they had suspected something. But, no, they had both marched into Kirk’s trap like rats after an aged cheddar.

He had placed his bet that they would defend each other as they had done now and after their falling out. That's what had kept glaring out at Kirk during this whole mess, the self-sacrifice that the other two didn't realize. All it took for it all to come together for Kirk was when Scotty said that the other two were always together, always backing each other up, always protecting each other. And they continued to do it except for the being together, and it had torn them up to be separated. Kirk could feel the peace that had he had brought to them. And they thought it was just because they had understood how the other one had felt.

Empathy, hell! Kirk snorted with disdain. They were just two buddies protecting each others' best interests. Nothing special there. Kirk amended himself. It was very special, because it was about those two. How privileged, how lucky, he was to call them friends, also. He knew that they would do anything for him and for each other.

Empathy, hell! It was just a case of good, old-fashioned love. Kirk was never shy about being able to tell them how much he needed them, and maybe they could b more open to each other from now on. It might take a rough edge off their relationship that would cause a loss of charm for other people, but it would bring them some peace, especially for McCoy.

On the other hand, they just might like the old-fashioned bickering so much that they might want to continue it. That's what Kirk had accused McCoy of back when Kirk should have kept his mouth shut that night in the bar. Kirk had learned his lesson about that, hopefully. He also had learned how important he was to them. He was the only one who could have broken them up. He was the only one who could have brought them back together again. He had an awesome responsibility to them. He also had the awesome privilege to be friends to these two tremendous, unique people.

Kirk felt pretty smug about his influence with them. Why the bluff had worked, though, Kirk could only guess. Kirk frowned. A tiny doubt began to form in his mind. It did seem odd that they had gone along so willingly with his lead.

Maybe they had both been searching for a face-saving solution, and Kirk had provided it. 

Kirk frowned again. Was it possible that they had both been using HIM?!

All of McCoy's expletives raced through Kirk's mind. All of them seemed appropriate, but none seemed adequate.

They had used him! Either consciously or unconsciously, they had used him!

Wait.

Was that so bad?

No, Kirk admitted with a smile, it wasn’t. Just as long as they were back together, that was the important thing.

And maybe all of this had worked for the simplest reasons possible.

Maybe McCoy had just needed to know that he meant something to Spock. And maybe Spock had just needed to find a way to tell McCoy that he did. Bless Spock’s little Vulcan heart, he was learning. He was learning.

Kirk smiled to himself. Spock had kept checking with him, as if seeking Kirk's approval. Apparently, that was important to Vulcans, too, as well as to Earthlings. Kirk doubted if Spock would go that far with McCoy, though. The altered relationship between the two of them was too new. But Spock just might.

After all, he was half human.

Spock had come a long ways just to please McCoy, too. That should prove his friendship to McCoy if nothing else did. Spock really had been trying.

Kirk believed he now knew what had caused the disastrous fight between McCoy and Spock. McCoy, in his eagerness to hear Spock say what he most wanted to hear, to reaffirm what McCoy had already heard Spock say but didn't remember saying, had pushed the Vulcan too hard and too fast. Spock hadn't been ready, and a disappointed McCoy had lashed out at him, calling him a name that Spock suddenly couldn't tolerate. The Vulcan couldn't understand why he had lost his patience when he had never done so before. The effects of the plant's narcotic were responsible for all sorts of havoc. 

It wasn't until later that Spock had realized what McCoy not only had wanted, but thought he needed. Spock felt daunted and inadequate. Could he have satisfied the Doctor's needs? Jim Kirk was so easy to be around. Kirk took only what Spock could offer and demanded nothing more. But this high-strung medical man in Spock's life wanted more, then more, and Spock didn't have the experience to handle such demands. That would have surprised McCoy to learn that Spock didn't know if he could please him. It all became important to Spock who thought that he had caused irreparable damage to his relationship with McCoy. And, for some reason he couldn't fathom, it was suddenly very important to Spock to have McCoy as his friend. He didn't know how to court friendship, though, but he most certainly was going to try. But then he and McCoy had gotten into that downward spirally pissing contest about who was the bigger person by sacrificing themselves.

Seeing McCoy so upset by the fight had really shaken Spock, and he didn't know how to correct it. McCoy's health was clearly being compromised, and next his job performance would suffer. Then what would happen to McCoy's career? All that would be ahead for him would be an undeserved and bleak retirement simply because he could not function anymore. Spock hadn't realized he'd be so undone by McCoy's anguish, so he tried to rectify his mistake the only way he knew how by sacrificing himself. He was amazed at the fresh pain that decision had seemed to cause the doctor who thought it was imperative that Spock not go through Kolinar. That was why McCoy had sacrificed himself. Spock hadn't realized the depth of his own feelings for McCoy or of McCoy for him, or how far they would go for each other.

Hell, Kirk thought, Spock had already sought McCoy's approval. He had just done it differently than he had with Kirk. Now Kirk hoped that he and McCoy could live up to what Spock needed. Time would tell. Thankfully, they now had that time.

What a helluva chess game this threesome was! They each had their strengths and weaknesses, their strategies, their characteristic flaws, their inspiring weaknesses, their predictable behaviors, yet their capability for unpredictable moves. The possibilities for moves were endless. It could keep a man entertained, and challenged, forever. And with life spans as long as they were now and lengthening, Kirk would never have to worry about being bored, or lonely. Just as long as those other two were in his life. He realized with a sigh that the responsibility and privilege of keeping two such unique creatures as Spock and McCoy together, yet balanced, lay with him. Kirk felt a smirk deepen on his face. He was just the guy to handle that job! He always loved a challenge!

A loud voice was heard in the hallway. 

McCoy.

Kirk sighed. That truce hadn’t lasted very long. McCoy and Spock were back at it again. And after all of Kirk’s hard work and worry!

Kirk shook his head and grimaced.

This time, the appropriate expletive made it past his lips. It sounded good. It felt good. It felt right.

McCoy and Spock were back at it again.

Blast that McCoy! Didn’t he know when to leave well enough alone?!

Spock would’ve been responsible, too, Kirk realized. He just hadn’t heard him. Spock simply hadn’t raised his voice. He hadn’t needed to.

An argument would take both of them, of course. McCoy would’ve lost steam, otherwise, without Spock to needle him into tirades. And Spock would’ve needled McCoy, just because he could. Kirk could almost see the smug look on Spock’s face as McCoy took the bait once again. 

Kirk could almost hear a sigh of contentment from the Enterprise herself and similar sighs from the crew. The ship felt like home again, just because McCoy and Spock were back to arguing.

It hit Kirk like a thunderbolt. His head shot up in delighted surprise, then he grinned broadly. 

McCoy and Spock were back at it again! 

Just. Like. Old. Times.

It wasn’t the expletive that had felt right, it was the situation. Spock and McCoy were apparently back to their old selves, only understanding now what they meant to each other, being comfortable with it, and knowing how far to go with their arguing. 

And not being influenced anymore, hopefully, by strange narcotic plants.

They’d slipped once, and both had almost lost everything. They wouldn’t let that happen again.

Kirk sighed. But that didn’t mean that they wouldn’t dare it. And themselves. And each other. Just to spice things up.

It might get tense again aboard the Enterprise.

But neither one of them was leaving!

The three could have more adventures together!

McCoy grumbling, Spock philosophizing, Kirk scheming. Making a whole unit.

All together on the Enterprise.

Always, the Enterprise! 

Kirk’s mistress. The love of his life.

Yes, all was well in Jim Kirk’s universe!

The Captain of the Starship Enterprise rubbed his hands together gleefully. 

Time to go space exploring again!

**Author's Note:**

> I own nothing dealing with Star Trek, including story lines and/or characters.


End file.
